Guess he didn't really learn much as Jericho's protege . . .

From the WWE site:

"World Wrestling Entertainment has come to terms on the release of Raw Superstar Lance Cade as of October 14, 2008. WWE wishes Lance the best in all future endeavors."

What could have been . . .

No Mercy 2008 Results!

I wasn't 100%, like predicted, but close!!! (71%)

Beth Phoenix (c) vs. Candice Michelle (WWE Women's Championship) (1/1)

Candice Michelle sucks and no one cares that she returned.

HHH (c) vs. Jeff Hardy (WWE Championship) (2/2)

Another "no shit." Hardy is over with the fans, but Triple H is banging the boss' daughter.

JBL vs. Batista (winner becomes #1 contender for the World Title) (3/3)

So it's going to be Batista versus Jericho at the next PPV, I guess. If Batista goes over Jericho, the world will cry.

Chris Jericho (c) vs. Shawn Michaels (Ladder Match for the World Title) (4/4)

Even though Cade interfered, this was still the right move. Michaels is past his prime by like 15 years.

Matt Hardy (c) vs. Mark Henry (ECW Title) (5/5)

The chances of Mark Henry winning this were less than the chance of me buying an Amy Grant album.

Big Show vs. Undertaker (5/6)

Big Show knocked out the Undertaker with a MegaPunch!!! Crazy.

Kane vs. Rey Mysterio (If Rey loses, he must remove his mask) (5/7)

Rey won, but by DQ. Whatever.

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Now playing: Helmet - Fbla
via FoxyTunes

Sandman Officially Retires

From his Myspace bulletin-thing:

Ladies & Gentlemen,

I Just Spoke With Sandman & He Wanted Me To Let you All Know That After Speaking With Tommy Dreamer & Having A Long Talk He Has Decided That After 20 + Years In The Pro Wrestling Business That It Is Time To Hangup The Boots & Call It Quits. He Would Like To Thank All Of You Fans That Have Supported Him Throughout His Time In & Around Wrestling. His Last Match Date Will Be Announced In The Coming Weeks. You Can Still Book Him In These Few Weeks. BUT After That He Said He Is Done. He Has A TWO Month Old Child & A Girlfriend To Look After So Now It Is Time To Step Out of The Spotlight.

Thanks A Bunch

Team Sandman

What's up with every word being capitalized? Whatever. Here's a goofy picture of the Sandman (AKA Jim Fullington) for your viewing pleasure:




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Now playing: Psycroptic - Removing the Common Bond
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Official No Mercy 2008 Predictions!!!

Alright, here we go! I've been following wrestling, but with football back and Fall TV getting started, I've been a little slack with the posts.

Beth Phoenix (c) vs. Candice Michelle (WWE Women's Championship)

I've gotta' go with Beth Phoenix here. Although it's already been teased that Santino is talking to another woman on his cell phone, it could just be a red herring. Like, maybe he's planning something for her or something. The possibility exists that Santino will cost Phoenix the title, but these two as champs/lovers is too good a storyline to let go this quickly.

HHH (c) vs. Jeff Hardy (WWE Championship)

HHH, all the way. The fans want Jeff Hardy to win, but he's just not good enough on the mic to be champ. Another bizarre face vs. face match that will most likely just confuse the audience.

JBL vs. Batista (winner becomes #1 contender for the World Title)

This is a toughie, but I'm going to go with Batista, even though he sucks. Possibillity of Michaels vs. Bastita, turning Batista heel or something, could be a cool extension to the Jericho/Michaels fued that started with Batista involved.

Chris Jericho (c) vs. Shawn Michaels (Ladder Match for the World Title)

Another toughie, but I'm going to pick Jericho, because while Michaels probably wants another title run, he's so old and crusty that I'd rather see Jericho keep his amazing heel run going. Could be an insane match, because we all know that Michaels likes to perform.

Matt Hardy (c) vs. Mark Henry (ECW Title)

Matt Hardy will win this. Then, 20 years from now, Mark Henry can tell his kids that he was the ECW Champ from June 29 to September 7, 2008, and they'll laugh behind his back that all he had was the ECW title.

Big Show vs. Undertaker

I predict some sort of screwy finish, because this storyline has just gotten started.

Kane vs. Rey Mysterio (If Rey loses, he must remove his mask)

The best part about this was the talk on Raw about Rey like, "What does he look like under that mask?!" Um . . . he wrestled without it for some time for a little ol' company named WCW!!! Once again, choosing to ignore wrestling's history makes this match fucking retarded. That being said, I'm going to go with Mysterio losing, but some sort of stupidity that causes him to remove his mask, but not letting the audience see his face.

See you later on this week for my percentage of correctness, which I will now predict will be 100%.

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Now playing: Master - The Room with Views
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Big Vito Mugshot

Looks like he's still keeping those eyebrows nice and plucked. I'm wondering if his domestic violence stemmed from an argument over a dress . . .

Back!

So I've been out of town and busy for the last couple o' weeks, but here's some pro-wrestling news and notes:

-Foley is on a limited contract with TNA
-I've been working my way through an episode of TNA, just for the hell of it, and I'll post my thoughts later.
-Ric Flair got into a fight with one of his daughters' boyfriends or something and got a nice shiner.
-Vito was arrested on domestic violence charges of some sort.
-Jeff Hardy was drunk in an airport.

Unforgiven results!!!

Look at this shit: 75% accurate by my own grading scale! Not too shabby.

World Heavyweight Championship Scramble Match:

CM Punk (c) vs. JBL vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Batista vs. Kane (0/1)

Punk was attacked backstage by Orton, DiBiase, Rhodes, and Manu (who's the son of Wild Samoan Afa) and was unable to wrestle, so Chris Jericho took his place and won the title!!! Definitely didn't see that one coming, but we here at the Stunt Granny like the idea of Orton being a third-generation wrestler and having a stable of second-generation wrestlers. Nice. Sucks that Punk had to lose the belt that way, but this way he can do the ol' "I never lost my title" spiel.

WWE Championship Scramble Match:

HHH (c) vs. Jeff Hardy vs. MVP vs. THE Brian Kendrick vs. Shelton (1/2)

Duh.

World Tag-Team Championship Match

Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Jr. (c) vs. Cryme Tyme (2/3)

Yeah, if you're going to have these two hanging around with Orton, you've gotta' let them keep the belts after Orton talked them into manning up and beating down Cryme Tyme last week.

Unsanctioned Match (2.5/4)

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

I'm going to award myself a half a point on this one, because I accurately predicted the outcome and then changed my mind like a moron. But I was on the right track! Don't know where they're going with this, but hopefully it doesn't lead to these two feuding over the title, now. Michaels is old and crappy.

ECW Championship Scramble Match:

Mark Henry (c) vs. Matt Hardy vs. the Miz vs. Chavo vs. Finlay (3.5/5)

Mark Henry was already stagnant as ECW champ, and the crowd loves Matt Hardy. No way you could extend Henry's reign another PPV because he's just not very charismatic, and neither is Tony Atlas.

Divas Championship Match

Michelle McCool (c) vs. Maryse (4.5/6)

Maryse just isn't over enough to be champ. I guess Michelle McCool is, for some reason.

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Now playing: Onyx - Da Mad Face Invasion
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Another newcomer . . . Ryan Braddock!!!

So the only experience I've personally had in the wrestling "business" was like eight or nine years ago with this small fed from the south suburbs of Chicago called the LWF (Lunatic Wrestling Federation). I had a community-college class with one of the dudes (shout out to Havok) and we initially bonded over our love of bands like the Suicide Machines and other punk bands before we discovered our mutual fondness for wrestling. He was also the first person I ever saw with a copy of the Method Man & Redman album Blackout, which is killer if you've never heard it.

Anyway, I hung out a few times with these guys and was even fortunate enough to ring announce on these two small shows in a church gym and a school gym. I was probably shitty, but they were experiences I'll never forget. Most of the people associated with this company were cool and just regular dudes, not super interested in being all secretive and guarded about their wrestling business. Of course, I just hung out and kept my mouth shut, preferring to talk about music or things I actually know something about, having been raised smartly enough to know that their business wasn't my business.

It's been fun watching former LWF guy CM Punk work his way up through the indies to his current spot as Champ, but ECW this past week brought us another LWF alum - Ryan Braddock, who wrestled as Brad Bradley back in the day. He was always very pleasant to me (the few times I said like three words to him), and that sort of stuff means a lot when you're hanging out with a new friend's old friends.

I couldn'd find his debut match against Ricky Ortiz from ECW, but he wrestled again (briefly) on Smackdown against Super Crazy, so here's the match for your viewing pleasure.

Congratulations, Brad Bradley!!!



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Now playing: Dinosaur Jr - Sludgefeast
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Official Unforgivin PPV predictions

Yeah!

World Heavyweight Championship Scramble Match:

CM Punk (c) vs. JBL vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Batista vs. Kane

I'm gonna' go with Punk on this one, simply because they're teasing Orton/Punk, which could be awesome.

WWE Championship Scramble Match:

HHH (c) vs. Jeff Hardy vs. MVP vs. THE Brian Kendrick vs. Shelton

I like the lineup of this match better than the World Heavyweight one, simply because it's five solid workers (HHH can work really well when he wants to) that'll put on a great show, even if there's no way that HHH is losing the belt to any of these dudes, except for maybe Hardy, which would be unexpected, but doubtful. HHH = pick.

World Tag-Team Championship Match

Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Jr. (c) vs. Cryme Tyme

I'm going to go with Rhodes & DiBiase, especially since they had that interaction with Orton on Raw and they gave a sweet beatdown to Cryme Tyme, including a classic DDT-on-the-harder-than-anything-else-in-the-universe tag-title belt. Sweeeeet.

Unsanctioned Match

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

This one is being built as the most devastating thing that's ever going to happen. Hard to say, but I'm going to go with Michaels winning, even though that'll most likely end this really fun feud. Chances are, there's going to be some stupid finish . . . actually, that's going to be my official prediction: some sort of screwy finish with no clear winner.

ECW Championship Scramble Match:

Mark Henry (c) vs. Matt Hardy vs. the Miz vs. Chavo vs. Finlay

Weird that John Morrison isn't in this match, but whatever. I'm going to go with Matt Hardy winning the belt, so there's at least one title change on this lame PPV.

Divas Championship Match

Michelle McCool vs. Maryse

Um . . . Michelle McCool?

See you later this week with a tally and thoughts on the results!!!

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Now playing: The Who - Quadrophenia
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Colt Cabana's debut match

Here it is, until WWE takes it down: Scotty "Colt Cabana" Goldman vs. THE Brian Kendrick.

Killer Kowalski is dead.

At least he was old. Stolen from Death Valley Driver:

WON:

Walter "Killer" Kowalski passed away this morning at 2:15 AM. He had been taken off life support nearly two weeks ago following a massive heart attack on August 18th. Following his Hall of Fame wrestling career Kowalski also trained a number of stars, most notably Triple H. Our deepest condolences to his family and friends.

RIP.

Week 20 update (8.18.2008)

So I was out of town from last Thursday until Monday night (including being mostly awake for 33 hours Sunday morning to Monday night . . . nice), so there was no Stunt Granny update last week.

I'm sure all four of you are heartbroken.

Raw

From right in the Stunt Granny's backyard, the Allstate Arena (Rosemont Horizon) in Rosemont (not Chicago), IL!!!

After blasting Shawn Michaels' wife at SummerSlam, Jericho continued his tirade against Michaels, which has been very interesting. The angle started out weird and stupid with Batista, but once his part was out of the way, things started to get interesting. Basically, Jericho is still blaming the fans on the fact that Michaels is the way he is, yadda yadda. Pretty funny. Jericho is now urging Michaels to just go home and admit that his career was ended by the better man.

Because Rey Mysterio is a "fungus that grows in the marshes of your psyche," I guess Kane beat him up . . . somewhere at . . . sometime. Batista hit the ring and Kane took out his leg that I guess Cena beat on at SummerSlam.

Also, Batista beat Paul Burchill. Whoa.

John Cena was set to take on the tag champs Rhodes & DiBiase in a handicap match when Cryme Tyme came to the ring and stole the belts. The Stunt Granny suggests, if there was another decent tag team on Raw, that they buy the belts from Cryme Tyme and dangle them in front of the real tag champs' faces. You know who would have been perfect for this? Cade & Murdoch.

JBL gave Jamie Knoble three Closthelines From Hell in a row, went for the pin, the ref counted one, and then got up and called the match. OOPS.

Santino lost to D-Lo via DQ after Beth Phoenix slapped D-Lo in the middle of the ring. D-Lo!!!

Mickie James & Kelly Kelly beat Jillian & Katie Lea Burchill in a fun tag match. Jillian's singing gimmick is OK, but she's not too shabby in the ring.

Main event was CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho, who took a nice dive out of the ring after attempting a spear on Punk in the corner. Punk lost after Cade distracted him on the apron.

Decent show that aslo featured the first appearance of Carlito's (who?) little brother, Primo Colon in a backstage segment.

ECW

Almost everyone but Mark Henry and Matt Hardy teamed up for a six-man tag match: Bourne, Tommy Dreamer, & Super Crazy vs. Miz, Morrison, & Chavo. Miz gave Dreamer a brutal-looking Neck Breaker through the middle ropes for the win.

"Boring" Ricky Ortiz defeated another newbie in Gavin Spears. Also in the match was rookie ref Aaron Davis!

Another tease between Knox and Finlay, who will finally have a match next week on ECW.

Main event was a SummerSlam rematch: Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry for the ECW title belt. Good match that saw Mark Henry retain after a World's Strongest Slam.

Better show this week than the past few weeks, for sure. Wish that Miz & Morrison had some other tag teams to work with, though . . .

UNFORGIVEN PPV NOTES

OK, so both title matches at the Unforgiven PPV are five-man "scramble" matches that see two men start, and three more entering every five minutes, with a 20 minute time limit. This means that all five men will only be in the ring for the last five minutes of the match, but whatever. The WWE keeps reminding us that the title can change multiple times during the match, the champ being whoever has the belt at the end of 20 minutes. Okaaaaay . . . here's the lineup for Raw:

CM Punk (champ)
Cena
JBL
Kane
Batista

Smackdown had qualifying matches, even though Raw didn't.

Match 1: 10-man Battle Royale (including Chicago's Colt Cabana wrestling as Scotty Colton or something) won by THE Brian Kendrick after Big Show hit the ring- upset that he wasn't in any of the matches - cleaned house, and stepped over the top rope when he thought he was done. Thing is: Kendrick was caught by his bodyguard before his feet hit the floor, got back in the ring, and was declared the winner. Silly but cool finish. Unexpected, and the fans were pissed.

Match 2: MVP defested Festus - who seems to be getting the push away from Jesse - via count-out.

Match 3: Shelton defeated Finlay after a good match when Mike Knox snuck to ringside and grabbed Hornswoggle. Didn't expect to see Shelton in this match seeing as how he already has gold, but why the fuck not? He's been great these past few weeks.

Match 4: Jeff Hardy somehow hit the Twist of Fate and a Swanton on the Great Khali for the win. Khali looked hilarious taking the Twist of Fate, though, so this was worth watching.

Maria won via DQ over Natalya when Mayrese beat her down for a broken nose suffered at Maria's hand. Match was pretty solid before interference. It looks like Maria is taking the wrestling thing seriously, so that's cool.

Main "event" was Vickie Guerrero wanting to apologize to Undertaker in the middle of the ring. Taker did his long-ass intro and told Vickie that he didn't want an apology, but rather "her soul!" Pretty fucking hilarious. La Familia tried to beat down Taker but he cleaned house, and made the throat-slashing motion to Vickie, who had retreated to the top of the ramp.

Another decent show, but probably my least favorite of the week.

Other News

Actually caught a minute of Rhino vs. Booker T on TV last night while waiting for something else to come on, and yeah . . . they still have six-sided rings in TNA.

Wack.

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Now playing: Cannibal Corpse - Cyanide Assassin
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Summerslam results and quick thoughts

So I never got my predictions in before I went out of town, so here's some reactions to this past Sunday's SummerSlam PPV!

MVP vs. Jeff Hardy

Good to see MVP getting a win over one of the company's biggest face, Jeff Hardy. I feel like Hardy is pretty limited, but kids love him so whatever. MVP is my type of wrestler, though, and I'm glad this means he'll be on my TV more.

Santino & Beth Phoenix vs. Mickie James & Kofi Kingston (double title match)

I like this, too. Santino & Phoenix should be great as champs, and they have chemistry so we'll see.

Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry (ECW title match)

Matt Hardy won, but by DQ so he doesn't get the belt. ECW kind of sucks, now.

CM Punk vs. JBL

Punk won, so that's cool, but I'm not sure how this went down, so I'll post more about this later. Glad to see a young champ, though.

HHH vs. Great Khali (WWE title match)

No shit.

Batista vs. John Cena

A little surprising, but this feud is so stupid I don't even care.

Undertaker vs. Edge

Makes sense that 'Taker would win his signature match, but based on the scant pictures I saw, this wasn't a total bloodbath like I'd hoped. In hindsight, though, this is probably better because this feud hasn't had enough time to build. What doesn't make sense is that this match was a Hell in the Cell match, which is billed as the most brutal way to have a match. Why waste it?

More later!

Week 18 update (8.4.2008)

Raw

Mike Adamle (the new GM of Raw) makes confusing matches:

1. CM Punk vs. JBL vs. Chris Jericho - if JBL or Jericho wins, they get to face Punk for the belt at SummerSlam. If Punk wins, neither of them gets a shot at the PPV. JBL got the pin at the last second, as there was a 10-minute time limit. The time limit was the best thing about the match, and should be utilized more often. This forces the match to have a more urgent pace, and spots like the heel hanging out outside of the ring for a nine-count are eliminated.

Kofi Kingston defeated Paul Burchill to keep his IC belt. Post-match, Katie Lea was left in the ring, and was joined by Mickie James, who defeated Burchill and was then beaten down by Beth Phoenix. At the top of the ramp, both Santino and Phoenix patted each other on the butt. The two of them then confronted Adamle, who created another bizarro match for SummerSlam:

2. Mickie James & Kofi vs. Phoenix & Santino, the stip being whichever team wins gets BOTH belts. Pretty cool, actually.

Kane destroyed Matt Striker and talked about how "he's dead." Still, that bag . . .

Jamie Noble kept trying to impress Layla backstage, and when Layla had a random dancing-in-the-ring segment, she was interrupted by Regal, who was in turn attacked by Noble. Wouldn't mind seeing these two have some stiff, stiff matches. Jamie Noble is a pitbull, remember?

Main event saw Cena & Batista team up against Rhodes & DiBiase for the tag-team belts. Cena & Batista won, and have to defend them next week, so let's hope that they lose the belts in an effort to cause some tension going into their match at SummerSlam.

Decent show, ovreall.

ECW

I guess Striker recovered quickly from his Kane-induced beatdown, because he's the new color guy on ECW, filling in for Tazz, who is filling in on Smackdown for the driven-through-a-table-by-Edge Mick Foley. Whew. He was decent, and clearly knows his shit.

Mike Knox called out Finaly, again, who came to the ring with Hornswoggle and gave Knox a free shot, but Knox didn't take it, instead leaving the ring. OK.

Estrada finally got his contract by defeating, yep, Tommy Dreamer. Delaney caused the distraction that got Estrada the win, so he and Dreamer are competing in an Extreme Rules match this coming week. OK.

Newly-fired Braden Walker defeated James Curtis (AKA KC James, former tag partner of Idol Stevens). OK.

Bam Neeley & Chavo took on Evan Bourne and Ricky Ortiz in an OK match. Faces got the win, but us here at the Stunt Granny still aren't very impressed with Ortiz. I guess he's big or whatever, but really likes Chin Locks.

Main "Event" was a live edition of the Dirt Sheet, Miz & Morrison's wwe.com show-thing. It was very, very unfunny, and culminated with Mark Henry and Matt Hardy beating down the former tag champs.

This show earned a very large MEH.

Smackdown

So throughout the show, Hawkins, Ryder, & Bam Neeley were all found beaten up around the arena. In addition, they all had black roses left next to their pummeled bodies. Has to be the Undertaker, right? WRONG. Of course, it turned out to be Edge, who brought out Vickie and Chavo at the end of the show to take on 'Taker. Edge ended up giving a Con-Chair-To to Chavo and going bonkers on Vickie, tipping over her wheelchair and getting in her face all insane-like.

Again, cool to see Edge super intense, but the PPV is in a week, so it's kind of lost on me.

The "Great" Khali took on HHH (in his first appearance since welcoming a new daughter into the world) in this lame arm-wrestling match. Thing is, it wasn't just any arm-wrestling match: there was glass on the table where your arm would get pinned down!!! Of course, this didn't happen, because Khali got frustrated, beat up HHH, and squished his head in the VICE.

Great match between Jeff Hardy and Shelton was interrupted by MVP kicking Hardy in the head (like he did on Saturday Night's Main Event, I guess) to fuel the fire for their impending SummerSlam match. Why couldn't there have been a clean finish with a post-match beatdown? Let Shelton pick up a cheap, clean win as the heel US Champ, and have MVP pick the bones!

Six-diva tag-team match saw all six ladies dressed up different Olympic-themed outfits, and the heels got the win when Natalya made Maria submit with a Sharpshooter. Fun little match, and we got to see Victoria's finisher, the Widow's Peak. So brutal:



Hawkins & Ryder defeated the newly-fired Shannon Moore and (non-fired) Jimmy Wang Yang. Good to see those two back in tag action . . . oops.

Kozlov came out with his new, lame entrance and demanded better competition. Jesse & Festus answered the call and Jesse got his ass handed to him. Post-match, Kozlov stared down the dopey Festus.

The Brian Kendrick defeated . . . Super Crazy?! Not only is Super Crazy a lot heavier than he used to be, but he wrestled in an ECW t-shirt over his singlet. Huh? Of course, Kendrick got the win. He needs a feud, fast.

Overall, decent week for wrestling.

The Stunt Granny is going on vacation from Thursday to Monday this week, so I'll get my official SummerSlam predictions in this week!

News & Notes!!!

The following people have been given Das Boot as of this past Friday (8/8/08):

1. Shannon Moore - funny that they taped Smackdown on Tuesday, re-teamed him with Yang, and canned him the day it aired.

2. Big Daddy V - this bums me out. Great big man, good personality.

3. Domino - I thought that the Deuce & Domino tag team was a great idea, but I guess not.

4. Referee Nick Patrick - OK.

5. Nunzio - Saw that one coming.

6. Chris Harris (AKA Braden Walker) - Terrible name, but now gone.

Also, Ric Flair is no longer associated with the WWE, and it looks like Mick Foley won't be resuming his commentary duties when his contract is up at the end of August.

DAMN.

Week 17 update Part Two (7.27.2008)

Smackdown

MVP took on Jimmy Wang Yang and subsequently took home a win. Jeff Hardy came into the ring from his seat at ringside (but not doing guest commentary) and told MVP to shut the fuck up about his personal life (albeit phrased differently) and took out MVP with a mic smash. Good to see Jeff showing some fire for once, duuuude.

Kennedy and Shelton Benjamin wrestled in a great non-title match, with Kennedy eventually coming out on top. Afterwards, Shelton showed a good heel sense of humor by telling Eve that he wasn't going to make excuses, but that he'd been suffering from bronchitis. Pretty hilarious.

The new-and-improved Brian Kendrick beat Stevie Richards. This match was boooooring.

Hardy took on Khali for some reason, a match in which MVP interfered, of course. Hardy got caught in Khali's Vice Grip and that was that.

Somehow, Maria defeated Victoria. I love the way Victoria constantly trash-talks her opponents. She tossed Maria out of the ring at one point and shouted, "Get out of my ring!" Pretty awesome.

Domino took on the Big Show and got Chokeslammed in like two seconds. Umaga then came out to stare at Show.

Main "event" saw Edge host an "episode" of the Cutting Edge with a mystery guest that turned out to be Mick Foley. Edge had a table, a ladder, and a chair in the ring because those were "his" ring comforts, while the Undertaker's is the Hell in the Cell. Pretty cool build with Foley telling Edge that only he can look inwards to beat the Undertaker. Basically telling Edge that he's pussed out recently. So, Edge beat up Foley (including a wicked Spear that caused Foley's poor skull to bounce off the ring steps), put him on the table, and jumped off the ladder with chair in hand to put Mick through the table.

Wouldn't mind having another, oh I don't know . . . two months to build this Hell in a Cell match. Yeesh.

Saturday Night's Main Event

I didn't bother to watch this.

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Now playing: Primus - Fish On (Fisherman Chronicles, Chapter II)
via FoxyTunes

Week 17 update Part One (7.27.2008)

Raw

So two major things happened on this show:

1. A new Raw GM was announced (it's Mike Adamle)
2. CM Punk was to wrestle the "hottest free agent in [the] business." It was William Regal returning from his suspension (please stay clean, Regal!!!)

Both of these were bummers. Regal should still be GM, and continue his alliance with the Burchills. Adamle as GM might be OK, because his segments will be straight scripted, but I have a hard time believing that the GM is someone who doesn't even know what a bodyslam is.

So Punk and Regal wrestled, and Regal did that spot to Punk where he kicks his oppononent's head into the ring post. Punk's nose was all bloody, and he got the win, so that makes me believe that he'll retain against (his likely opponent) JBL at SummerSlam now that we've been reminded that Punk is a badass. That's my main complaint of his character: he's too friendly. He loves competition, right? Why not let him have a little fire once and a while?

Main event was Cena & Batista vs. Kane & JBL, who lost. Post-match, Adamle was announced as the new GM and declared Batista vs. Cena (first time EVER) for SummerSlam. Here's to hoping that Adamle as GM turns out to be someone else using him as a puppet or something.

Jericho hosted the final episode of The Highlight Reel, which was waaaaaay too long. He did have the smashed "tron" TV hanging in the background, though, so it was aesthetically pleasing, at least. I like this feud in theory, but it's hard to have a storyline when one of only two main participants is nursing a busted eye off camera.

Kofi defeated Jamie Noble.

Rhodes & DiBiase were set to wrestle Hacksaw and Lawler, but the mysterious new GM declared Lawler's new partner to be Michael Cole. Huh? Again, Adamle doesn't even know what a dropkick is, and he supposed to be making matches? Doesn't make sense!!! Cole got his ass beat and then was pinned.

Mickie James defeated Jillian, and got beaten down post-match by Katie Lea Burchill. Paul came out, too, and Katie Lea officially announced that she was in the running for the Women's Championship and Paul was in the hunt for the IC strap. Pretty cool that directionless characters are being given titles to strive for, finally.

D-Lo and Kelly Kelly lost to Santino and Beth Phoenix, who decided to keep their relationship "strictly professional," until Phoenix was overcome with passion and kissed Santino. This pairing could be great, as they're both good wrestlers and Phoenix has been able to hang with Santino comedy-wise for two weeks, now.

Overall, decent show, but Adamle as GM could be fucking terrible.

ECW

This show has nothing interesting going on.

Todd Grisham replaced Mike Adamle on play by play. He seemed nervous, but clearly knows more than Adamle and seems like he deserves a chance. Go Grisham!!!

Mark Henry bent a steel bar.

Tony Atlas rambled on and on.

Hardy defeated Delaney in the main "event," and after the match grabbed Delaney in the ring and tossed him over the top rope.* Whee!

Ricky Ortiz took on Chavo. Ortiz is so boring to watch. He's got a good look, but hasn't done shit in the ring to impress the Stunt Granny, and we're the be-all-end-all of internet wrestling analaysis, so there. Ortiz took home a win because of Bam Neeley's interference. Post-match, Bourne delivered a missle drop kick to Chavo and took off.

Miz & Morrison took on Finaly & Hornswoggle in a tag match. Why?! Miz & Morrison won, and Mike Knox beat down Finlay afterwards. Backstage, Knox let us all know that Finaly had gone soft. This could be interesting, if they decide to let Finlay be the badass he is instead of this comedy shit with Hornswoggle.

Boring show that just couldn't hang after watching Wipeout.

*These results courtesy of WWE, because it stormed all crazy-like and Directv fucked up.

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Now playing: Deshawn - Snakes
via FoxyTunes

Week 16 update, Part Two (07.20.2008)

OK show. Lots of build to SummerSlam, here.

Show opened with Jeff Hardy guesting in the VIP Lounge. This segment dragged, so the last few minutes were fast-forwarded through. Basically, MVP made fun of Jeff Hardy. These two, plus the Great Khali, Big Show, and Mr. Kennedy took part in a Battle Royale later in the night with the winner going on to face HHH (who wasn't on this show at all . . . some champion) at SummerSlam.

It came down to Khali and Jeff Hardy, with stupid fucking the Great Khali coming out on top. Hopefully, HHH will take out Khali and that'll be the end of this Pujabi "sensation." Ugh.

Hawkins took on Festus, with Festus getting the pin.

Jimmy Wang Yang lost to Shelton in a fun match. Yay!

Kozlov defeated Stevie Richards in his hometown . . . big surprise. Post-match, Kozlov stormed over to the announce table and demanded better competition. Seriously. Hopefully he also asks for his entrance to be reverted back to its original state. His music seriously sucks.

Brian Kendrick defeated Shannon Moore with Sliced Bread Part Two, which is apparantly now called The Kendrick. Um, first of all, the original name was awesome. Second of all, The Kendrick is all sorts of The Stupid.

Main Event was Edge apologizing to Vickie in the middle of the ring, who denied him kisses and instead told him that "hell hath no fury over a woman's scorn." Huh? After that line flub, she informed Edge that not only did she re-instate Undertaker, but that Edge would be facing him at SummerSlam . . . HELL. IN A. CELL!!!

With three long weeks to build to the halfway-to-Wrestlemania PPV, I don't have high hopes.

Here's the Kendrick/Yang match from last week. Enjoy until it gets taken down:


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Now playing: Malevolent Creation - To Kill
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Week 16 update, Part One (7.20.2008)

Raw

Decent show.

Rematch of the six-man tag from last week (JBL & Rhodes & DiBiase vs. Cena & Cryme Tyme) was fun again, but not as much as last week, of course. Cool spot where Cena had both Rhodes & DiBiase on his shoulders for the FU, and gave them each a toss, one by one. JBL took off like the Heel Coward and the faces scored the win.

Earlier in the night, Hacksaw came out and told the crowd that maybe Rhodes & DiBiase were right, that maybe he should hang up his boots. Lawler cheered him up, and the second-generation stars came down to the ring and talked some more shit, which led to a slap from Lawler to Rhodes. I predict some sort of tag-team match in the near future between these four.

Lance Cade defeated Paul London, who hasn't had a character makeover like his former partner, Brian Kendrick. Jericho came out and talked shit on Shawn Michaels. Clips from the GAB showed Jericho completely destroying Michaels' eye, who bled like a champ. According to the storyline, Micaels has a detached retina. Ow!











D-Lo Brown made his triumphant return with a win over Santino. The match was watched by Beth Phoenix, and post-match her and Santino exchanged Waist Locks, and then a Lip Lock. This storyline has many humorous possibilities.

Decent mixed-gender tag match between the Burchills and Kofi & Mickie James. Burchills won, for once!

Main event saw CM Punk accepting Batista's challenge for a rematch from the top of the show, but of course, JBL and Cena did run-ins. Seems like the WWE is scared to have Punk go over Batista clean. Weird, but I guess I understand.

ECW

Show opened with Teddy Long introducing a new ECW Championship belt!!! It's all silver and black. Pretty cool and different looking. Long re-awarded it to Mark Henry, who came out with Tony Atlas. Colin Delaney made his why-I-turned-my-back-on-Tommy-Dreamer speech (because, of course, Delaney was sick of being a punching bag, etc), and then was turned into a punching bag by Tommy Dreamer. Great. Hopefully this stupid Colin Delaney thing is over.

Evan Bourne defeated James Curtis while Chavo offered commentary. Mike Adamle asked Chavo what his time frame was for getting back the ECW Championship, which was pretty funny. Considering he jobbed last week to Evan Bourne in Bourne's third match on WWE TV makes us here at the Stunt Granny think . . . never!

Main event was a number-one contender's match to see who would face Mark Henry at SummerSlam. Miz, Morrison, Matt Hardy, and Finlay had a boring-at-first-but-then-fun-at-the-end match, with Matt Hardy coming out on top, of course.

See you later in the week for a Smackdown update!

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Now playing: Pantera - Message in Blood
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Great American Bash results!!!

Alright . . . let's see how I did, shall we? Looks like (drum roll, please) . . . 62.5%!!!

Down from last month's Night of Champions high score of 70%, but not by much. Hopefully I can redeem myself in three days or whenever Summerslam is.

Fatal Four Way Tag Team Title match (Miz & Morrison vs. Finaly & Hornswoggle vs. Hawkins & Ryder vs. Jesse & Festus) (0.5/1)

Well, I correctly predicted that the belts would change hands, but I picked the wrong team to win it. Because I'm grading myself, I'm going to award myself one-half of one point. I like Hawkins & Ryder, but they're impossible to tell apart. They should start dressing exactly the same and pull some Killer Bees-style hijinks.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Matt Hardy (US Championship, 0.5/2)

Fuck me! I like Shelton, but didn't see this one coming. I guess Matt Hardy is going to somehow take out Mark Henry for the ECW Championship, now.

Mark Henry vs. Tommy Dreamer (ECW Title match, 1.5/3)

No shit. The fans care even less about Tommy Dreamer than they do Mark Henry, and I guess Colin Delaney turned his back on Dreamer during this match? Let the Dreamer/Delaney feud begin! It'll be one for the ages.

Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho (2.5/4)

OK, awesome! Michaels does the right thing!

Natalya Neidhart vs. Michelle McCool (Diva's Title match, 2.5/5)

Shiiiiiit. Michelle McCool sucks and her finisher sucks. Fuck this.

JBL vs. Cena (Parking Lot Brawl thing, 3.5/6)

I guess this was taped on Saturday night! Weak. Cool that JBL layed out Cena, though.

CM Punk vs. Batista (World Title match, 4/7)

This was a double-DQ thanks to Kane interfering in the match. Glad I didn't order this PPV 'cause I would've been pissed off at this lame finish. As preditcted, though, Punk still has the belt, although he didn't out-and-out win, so I'm going to award another half-point to myself because no one reads this.

HHH vs. Edge (WWE Title match, 5/8)

I guess Vickie interfered to give HHH the win. Go figure.

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Now playing: Mos Def - Next Universe
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Great American Bash official predictions!!!

OK!

Fatal Four Way Tag Team title match (Miz & Morrison vs. Finaly & Hornswoggle vs. hawkins & Ryder vs. Jesse & Festus

Hmmm . . . seems like the time is right for Miz & Morrison to lose the belts, but to who? I'll say that they lose the belts to their newest feud guys, Jesse & Festus, even though I think it's a bad idea.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Matt Hardy (US Title match)

Matt Hardy will keep his belt, even though I like Shelton.

Mark Henry vs. Tommy Dreamer (ECW Title match)

No way is Tommy Dreamer beating Henry. Mark Henry all the way.

Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

I'm going to hope that Michaels does the job to Jericho to help catapult Jericho's new, badass cult-leader gimmick thing.

Natalya Neidhart vs. Michelle McCool (Diva's Title match)

I'm going to say Natalya wins this, because she's tougher.

JBL vs. Cena (Parking Lot Brawl thing)

I'll go with JBL on this one, beating the shit out of Cena with some help from Rhodes & DiBiase. Hopefully they continue this feud with the new life of these youngsters breathed into it.

CM Punk vs. Batista (World Title match)

Maybe it's the mark in me, but I'm going to predict that Punk retains. He's a fresh take on things, and we've seen Batista as champ enough already.

HHH vs. Edge (WWE Title match)

Um, HHH?

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Now playing: Curl Up & Die - Total Pandemonium
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Week 15 update?

I don't even know what week we're on anymore!

Raw this week was totally awesome until the last, ultra-stupid segment, where John Cena went searching for JBL out in the parking lot only to be attacked by JBL, propped up against another car (with a camera clearly mounted in the drivers seat), and then driven into by JBL. Of course, when JBL checked to see how brutally he had just killed Cena, he was nowhere to be found. According to the WWE, John Cena was able to escape despite being knocked unconscious by JBL with only bumps and bruises.

HUH?!?!

The other hour and fifty minutes was awesome, with Kane challenging CM Punk to a match because he "needed" to, losing via count-out, and then attempting to attack Punk with a chair. Batista made the save, wanting to keep Punk fresh for their title match or whatever, but then gave him a Spinebuster anyway.

REMINDER TIME!
Kane went bezerk two weeks ago and beat up Michael Cole for no reason. Please note: this week, Kane was carrying around a Mystery Bag, the contents of which were never revealed. Part of me hopes that the bag just disappears this week on Raw, so we all never know what that was about.

Raw opened with Shane and Stephanie appearing in a pre-recorded tape, begging the roster to maintain order and get along during McMahon's injury-vacation-whatever angle. As soon as this tape was over, Raw cut unexpectedly to Jericho and Michaels brawling in the aisle. Pretty cool way to start the show and a great way to put over the chaos angle. Us here at Stunt Granny HQ are begging for a match to end during a commercial break to add a legitimate-feeling aspect to the show, like anything can really happen! A match just ended during a commercial break!!!

Mickie James defeated Katie Lea Burchill and then had to deal with both Burchills until Kofi made the save and put his belt on the line right then and there against Paul Burchill. Another cool angle and a decent match. Kofi retained, by the way.

Santino made an open challenge, which was answered by Beth Phoenix! Another unexpected twist, and beat Santino in a great comedy match.

Snitsky beat Noble.

Main Event was a super hot six-man tag match between JBL and his newest investments, Rhodes & DiBiase vs. Cena and Cryme Tyme. Great, great match that the crowd was eating up, and also served to get over my man, Cody Rhodes, as a (at least semi-) legit hardass. He and DiBiase are perfect with JBL as his cocky cronies, so here's to hoping that this keeps going. Of course, this is the match that led to the opening paragraph of this update.

ECW

Mark Henry came out and bent a frying pan alongside the terrible mic skills of Tony Atlas.

Hardys over Miz & Morrison in a decent match.

Newcomed Evan Bourne defeated Chavo, who was a title contender a month ago.

My boy, Mike Knox, defeated Shannon Moore.

This show was meh.

Smackdown

This show was basically all wedding shit between Edge & Vickie. It was stupid.

Basically, they got married earlier in the day, and at the end of the weak show, HHH revealed his hidden-cam footage of Edge macking on (and then kissing) the wedding planner lady, whose name escapes me. Of course, it's never explained how HHH got this footage, etc. Fucking retarded.

The only things of note from Smackdown happened in the same singles match: the return of Jimmy Yang vs. the new, mean-spirited, cocky, and solo Brian Kendrick w/ a huge black dude named Ezekiel. Kendrick won with Sliced Break Part Two.

Great American Bash predictions next!!!

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Now playing: J-Live - Do My Thing (Featuring Cvees)
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No update last week, I know.

I was busy being awesome this past week, so please forgive my lack of updates. Instead, enjoy this hilarious animated wrestling video with an Alkaline Trio soundtrack:



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Now playing: Krisiun - Bleeding Offers
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Diva released

2005 Diva Search and Playboy Nast-face Ashley has been given the boot. Supposedly, she wanted to leave due to her kid being sick, but chances are this has to do with the fact that she was reportedly linked to a fancy-shmancy escort service!

At least now we don't have to look at her fucked-up face when she tries to smile with those two hoops through her bottom lip. Very punk. Also, I get the feeling that the bra in this photo is purely for show. Those bazoombas aren't going anywhere!

Maybe now she can be a back-up dancer for Avril Lavigne or something.

Peace out, Ashley!

Trevor Murdoch . . .

. . . has been released! I guess that singing gimmick just wasn't cutting it.

Sad to see him go, because he could be a great bruiser.

p.s. Fuck Lance Cade!

Week 12 update (6.30.2008)

Raw

So as you've probably heard, CM Punk is the new World Champion! How, you ask? The Stunt Granny is here for you.

Basically, Edge came out at the top of Raw, interrupting JR's I'm-Going-To-Smackdown speech in his native Oklahoma. Edge had Hawkins & Ryder escort JR out of the building so he could chastise Raw for having no championship belt (as HHH is now over on Smackdown with the WWE title).

Batista got pissed, came out, and destroyed Edge, leaving him prone for Punk to hit the Go To Sleep and pick up the win/belt. Pretty insane.

Of course, this led to high tensions between Edge and Vickie over on Smackdown, leading to Edge calling off their impending wedding.

Jericho and Kofi had their rematch, which Jericho lost because the ref saw him holding Kofi's tights during a pin. Jericho also challenged HBK to a match at the Great American Bash (GAB) PPV which is in a few weeks. Jericho's new thing seems to be Going For The Eye, so hopefully he and HBK can build an interesting match around HBK's fucked-up eyeball

REMINDER TIME!
Remember? Jericho smashed Shawn Michaels' face into a TV like four weeks ago?

Rey Mysterio came out to chat it up and was interrupted by Santino, who will most likely now lose to Rey at the GAB.

New WWE Tag champs Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase Jr. soundly defeated local indie workers Darren Wade and Steve Anthony in a 45-minute barn-burner. OK. I'm lying. It was a total squash. Match was heat-less, but Rhodes & DiBiase cut a decent promo post-match that got some boos. I'm not totally tired of this storyline just yet.

Jillian got her ass beat by Mickie James in a non-title match.

Jamie Noble tried to pick up Katie Lea Burchill backstage, which led to a confrontation with Kane after Noble talked all this shit about taking on the biggest guy around. Noble ran out to the ring area for some reason and Kane whooped him good.

JBL challened Punk for his belt TONIGHT and Punk accepted. JBL had his local indie worker security staff surround the ring during the match, but they were taken on by John Cena and . . . CRYME TYME?! Pretty badass to give Cryme Tyme the rub like that. So yeah, a melee insued and Punk beat JBL with a Go To Sleep and dove on everyone that was fighting outside the ring.

A lot of talking on this show, but great storyline advancement and build-up.

ECW

Tommy Dreamer challeneged Mark Henry for his belt, but Henry told him that Dreamer could only have a shot if Colin Delany could defeat him. Of course, Delany got murdered.

Teddy Long let us viewers know that the Talent Initiave is back in effect, and because of this we saw the boring debut of Atlas Ortiz in a match with Estrada. Lots of chinlocks in this bad boy, in which Ortiz came out on top.

Matt Hardy, Finlay, & Hornswoggle defeated Miz, Morrison, & Chavo. Fun match with a Face Victory.

Smackdown

Show opened with the VIP Lounge. MVP's guest at this time: HHH! Tease of tension between the two, and then they just shot the shit until Vickie came out and told them to quit laughing at Edge's loss. OK.

Michelle McCool won a Cardboard Star On A Pole match, so now she's facing Natalya for the new Diva belt, which looks like a butterfly or something. Not too bad, though. This whole match took place in the one corner where the star was, which was . . . interesting.

Jesse & Festus (who was dressed up as Uncle Sam) took on Hawkins & Ryder. Jesse & Festus won, but after Festus returned to his catatonic state after the bell was rung, Edge came down to the ring and destroyed Festus with a chair shot while Ryder & Hawkins held down Jesse and made him watch. Pretty sweet.

Jeff Hardy beat John Morrison in a really fun match. Lots of cool counters on Morrison's part set this match apart from every other one of Jeff's matches. Morrison rules.

Umaga vs. Funaki was fast-forwarded through.

Matt Hardy vs. Kennedy vs. Chavo vs. Shelton was a fun match for the US Title. Chavo kept on getting hit with moves on the mat, which was pretty funny. Good, fun match.

Show ended with Edge coming out all pissed at Vickie and calling off the wedding. Good tension between the two earlier in the show when Vickie was sure to remind Edge that she was still his boss. Men in the crowd were booing heavily.

Overall - good week for wrestling fans!
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Now playing: The Like Young - Writhe Like You Mean It
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Night of Champions results!

Let's see how I did with my predictions, shall we?

Overall: 71%. Not too shabby, especially considering my predictions for One Night Stand were like 50% correct.

HHH vs. John Cena (WWE Championship) (0/1)

HHH retained, which I guess is the smarter move, considering the Stunt Granny's official HHH & Cena fan breakdown a few posts back. The fans feel more . . . something when it comes to HHH. Cena is too all over the map, fan-reaction wise.

Edge vs. Batista (World Championship) (1/2)

Edge retains via Chavo counting the three, I guess? Weird. I guess the ref got pulled out of the ring and yeah, Chavo counted one-two-three for Edge's sneaky Heel Victory.

Kane (from Raw & the ECW champ) vs. Mark Henry (now on ECW) vs. Big Show (from Smackdown) (ECW Championship) (2/3)

Big title win for the Human Candybar, Mark Henry.

Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes vs. Ted DiBiase Jr. & ??? (World Tag Team Championship) (3/4)

Of course, Cody turned on Holly and we have new Tag Champs. Excellent.

Miz & Morrison vs. Finaly & Hornswoggle (WWE Tag Team Championship) (4/5)

This was the correct decision. Basically an updated version of the old MNM, these guys are great as dickhead Tag Champs.

Matt Hardy vs. Chavo (US Championship) (5/6)

No shit.

Mickie James vs. Katie Lea Burchill (WWE Women's Championship) (5/7)

Damn. I messed up on this one, but Mickie is super over, so it's not surprising.

Forgot that Jericho was supposedly defending against . . . someone, and that someone happened to be Kofi Kingston, who defeated Jericho to become the new Intercontinental Champ! WHOA!

There was no new Diva Champion crowned.

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Now playing: Ludacris - Cry Babies (Oh No)
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Night of Champions official predictions!!!

Let's see . . .

HHH vs. John Cena (WWE Championship)

I'm going to go with John Cena winning the belt, simply because as it stands, both belts are on Smackdown. Unless Batista beats Edge and HHH retains, causing a belt swap, but let's hope that Batista doesn't come out on top.

Edge vs. Batista (World Championship)

Like I said above, here's to hoping that Edge retains this bad boy. If he's not champ during his wedding, who gives a fuck? Plus, Batista sucks.

Kane (from Raw & the ECW champ) vs. Mark Henry (now on ECW) vs. Big Show (from Smackdown) (ECW Championship)

Easily the most confusing match on the card. Although Show was the best champ the new ECW has had to date, I'm going to go with Mark Henry on this one. He's given Kane not one, but two World's Strongest Slams in the past few weeks, so why not?

Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes vs. Ted DiBiase Jr. & ??? (World Tag Team Championship)

I still stand by my prediction from a few weeks ago that it's going to be Rhodes who's DiBiase's mystery partner, so look for a title switch here.

Miz & Morrison vs. Finaly & Hornswoggle (WWE Tag Team Championship)

If both Finaly and That Little Bastard getting drafted to ECW means they're going to take these belts, I'm going to be pissed. Because of that, I'm going to predict that Miz & Morrison retain, because they're great as the tag champs.

Matt Hardy vs. Chavo (US Championship)

Matt Hardy is not going to lose a title to Chavo.

Mickie James vs. Katie Lea Burchill (WWE Women's Championship)

I'm going to go with a surprise win for Katie Lea via Paul Burchill interference on this one. She's pretty good in the ring, and fans would be pissed, so yeah. Katie Lea on the upset tip.

Not sure what's going on with the new Diva's Championship, so I'll just predict that Victoria wins, because she's my favorite woman wrestler and has the most badass finisher.

I'm also going to predict that the Hardcore, Cruiserweight, European, and Million Dollar Belt are all won by MVP.

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Now playing: Deep Puddle Dynamics - June 26th, 1999 - Exist
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Draft shit

So rather than do a complete re-cap of this insane week, we here at the Stunt Granny thought it best to just discuss some of the top stars and where they're headed after tonight's Night of Champions (NOC) PPV.

The draft-before-the-PPV set-up is/was extremely confusing, but here we go.

John Cena - He's still on Raw.

HHH - Drafted to Smackdown, holds the "Raw" belt, AKA the WWE Championship. Now, both world title belts are on Smackdown.

Edge - Still on Smackdown.

Rey Mysterio - Drafted to Raw from Smackdown, which he hasn't been on for weeks because of some injury.

Jeff Hardy - Drafted to Smackdown from Raw. Pictured in the new WWE magazine hoping to gain the WWE title.

Matt Hardy - Drafted to ECW! One of only four people drafted to ECW, maybe the US title will be like the TV Title of old. ECW needs another important belt, and if it's not going to be the Cruiser title or a resurrected TV title, I guess the US title will do.

Jim Ross - Drafted to Smackdown. Apparantly, he was pissed but got over it.

Michael Cole - Drafted to Raw. I can't imagine he's upset.

Batista - Drafted to Raw from Smackdown.

CM Punk - In a surprising move, he was drafted to Raw. Possible red herring, seeing as how he's been in matches against Edge, and teased cashing in the Money in the Bank contract during Edge's upcoming wedding.

Umaga - Drafted to Smackdown from Raw. Now, he can job to new and exciting people!

Kane - Drafted to Raw from ECW. Kane is currently the ECW champ.

Ken Kennedy - Drafted to Smackdown from Raw. Maybe he'll finally find some success on Friday nights, but after his drug bust or whatever, his momentum is dead.

Mark Henry - Drafted to ECW from Smackdown.

Big Show - Still on Smackdown, even though he's been vying for the ECW title as of late. Which is held by Kane. Who is now on Raw.

SUPPLEMENTAL DRAFT NOTES:

-Brian Kendrick was drafted to Raw, where Paul London now mysteriouly resides as well.

-ECW also got both Finlay and Hornswoggle, but here's to hoping that they don't win the tag belts from Miz & Morrison at NOC.

-Finally, ECW got . . . SUPER CRAZY!!! Big Super Crazy & Bam Neely feud forthcoming.

-Matt Striker was drafted to Raw, so hopefully he can finally do something on the undercard. A currently-wasted talent.

-ECW's top feud seems to be over, as Shelton was drafted to Smackdown while Kofi was sent over to Raw. Oh, well. There's still Bourne/Knox, which is entertaining.

From the Why Not? Department:

After the draft was over and Vince gave away $500,000 to a lucky viewer, he was crushed by the stage. Sadly, this new Vince angle comes one year after the last Vince angle that was ended prematurely due to the whole Benoit . . . unpleasantness.

NOC predictions forthcoming!!!

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Now playing: Gravediggaz - Here Comes The Gravediggaz
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ECW & Smackdown (week 10 - 06.16.2008)

ECW

Evan Bourne squared off against one of the most under-utilized wrestlers on the roster: Matt Striker. Pity that this was just a Bourne showcase, although Striker did manage to get in some cool-looking offense. Of course, Bourne took home the victory with a beautiful Shooting Star Press. Gotta' love Striker, though: when he had Bourne in some sort of Chin Lock or something, he was talking all sorts of shit, like "He's not making a name off of me!"

FUNNY STUFF ALERT:

The best was when Striker and Big Daddy V were still a pair (whatever happened to that, anyway?) and CM Punk wrestled Striker. Striker had Punk on the mat and while working over Punk's hand of all things, spread Punk's fingers apart in the Live Long and Prosper/Big Daddy V sign and shouted out, "Look! He's a Big Daddy V fan!!" Brilliant.

END FUNNY STUFF

Anywho, Bourne got annihilated by "Viking" Mike Knox post-match, and sold Knox' crazy Neck Breaker like a champ.

Cool segue, as Knox then had a scheduled match with Kofi Kingston. This was interrupted by Shelton Benjamin, who accidentally kicked Knox after giving Kingston a win by DQ.

Comedy match between Estrada and Hornswoggle was meh, even though Estrada took a nice flat-back bump after being tripped up on marbles outside of the ring. 'Swoggle got the win with the Tadpole Splash.

CM Punk over John Morrison for some reason in the last match. It was OK.

"Main Event" was a "face off" between Big Show and Kane. Of course, Mark Henry came in and got a double Chokeslam for his troubles. The best was Henry shouting, "If I'm not drafted, I'm coming after one of you!"

The fact that the draft is before the PPV is super bizarre.

Smackdown

Show opened with MVP talking about how pissed he was in general about his contract and his under-utilization or whatever. Vickie Guerreo told him that he had to face Kane, and that she didn't have time to discuss his contract in a "public forum." Since when?! MVP took a count-out rather than wrestle Kane. After the match, Mark Henry stormed down the ramp, looking for revenge from ECW. He clotheslined Kane outside the ring, and then tossed him in for a World's Strongest Slam. YES MARK HENRY.

Bam Neeley took on Matt Hardy in his first one-on-one match, which he lost due to Chavo trying to interfere, getting tossed by the ref, and Matt Hardy delivering the Twist of Fate after Bam finished arguing with the ref, Charles Robinson.

Vickie was upset about Robinson's supposed bias against La Familia, so she ordered him to wrestle - wait for it - the Great Khali!!! No shit. Khali destroyed Lil' Naitch with that Punjabi Karate Chop and the Double Hand Face Squeeze. Robinson did the stretcher job because his face was so goddamned smashed up:





OUCH!!!!





Natalya Neidhart looked on while Michelle McCool defeated Layla with a Heel Hook.

Jamie Noble got destroyed by Kozlov after a brutal-looking headbutt to the ribs while coming off the ropes. Noble was the first wrestler to knock Kozlov off his feet, though (I think).

Deuce & Domino came out arguing to wrestle Jesse & Festus, and never really got into the match due to the fact that they started brawling before things could get started. Deuce gave Domino the Crack 'Em In Da Mouth and left him laying.

Finaly versus the Miz ended after a Celtic Cross from Finlay. 'Swoggle distracted the Miz by fighting with John Morrison (who was doing guest commentary . . . go figure) outside of the ring and Finlay was able to capitalize. Please don't let Finlay and Hornswoggle win the belts at the PPV!!! Please!!!

Main Event was Chavo versus Batista, with Edge as guest ref. Some funny spots with Edge obviously favoring Chavo (who was asked to be Edge's Best Man at the Big Wedding in a few weeks, by the way). Match ended with a super-fast count-out on Batista, and then a La Familia beatdown on Batista. Hooray!

Next week: the Draft, another Million Dollar giveaway, and some other crapola.

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Now playing: The Casket Lottery - The Bridge
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Raw update (week 10 - 06.16.2008)

This was the second week of McMahon's Million Dollar giveaway, and he made a viewer/winner bark like a dog. Overall, the giveaway segments just interrupted the flow of the show.

Vince - people want to see wrestling matches. Period.

Umaga and John Cena fought in a street fight that wasn't very street-fight like. First of all, you're supposed to wear jeans to a street fight. Second, you're supposed to use all sorts of crazy crap, not just the ring steps, barely. Cena won, of course, because Umaga never wins.

Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes went up against Cryme Time, but when Ted DiBiase (no longer a "Jr" apparantly) came down the ramp at the start of the match, Holly rolled up JTG for the win.

I guess Mickie James and John Cena aren't fucking anymore, because she and Kennedy teamed up for some reason against Paul & Katie Lea Burchill. Burchills won.

In another snoozefest of a match, Jeff Hardy defested Carlito. What the fuck is going on?! Why is a Jeff Hardy wrestling HHH - the champ of the flagship show - one week and Carlito the next? Jeff Hardy won, duh.

There was a bikini contest for some reason. It was hosted by Charlie Haas for some reason. Maria won for some reason.

After being initally confronted by Ric Flair in a surprising (but wasted) appearance, Jericho followed Flair through the backstage area to fight him in the parking lot (???), only to be stopped short by HHH, who was pissed that Jericho smashed Michaels' face into a TV last week on Raw, possibly dislodging some of his hair plugs/comb-over. Finish saw Lance Cade (!!!) run-in and beat down both HHH & Cena, who also showed his big, freakish arms after this match went to shit.

Lance Cade? OK. I know he's suppsoed to be a heel, so him and Jericho beating down Cena & HHH makes what I like to call "wrestling sense," but here's what we here at the Stunt Granny can't understand about the Face vs. Face feud that is HHH & John Cena, audience-breakdown style.

John Cena:
-ladies love him because he's hot and muscle-y or whatever
-kids love him because he's the all-American good guy
-men hate him because he's hot and muscle-y and they feel threatened by him

This last point can be supported by the fact that when the lady and I went to Wrestlemania 23, Cena was booed out of the building by men, who at the same time were loudly supporting the guy dressed in sequins and with long, pretty blond hair (Shawn Michaels). Very interesting.

Result: divided crowd

HHH:
-maybe ladies like him because he's muscle-y and somewhat attractive and kind of a dickhead, which I hear women are into.
-maybe little kids like him because he makes jokes about cocks and whatnot
-men seem to like him because he's a badass

Result: crowd confused/divided.

There's no clear person to root for or against in this stupid, stupid, feud. ARGH.

Next week on Raw: Da Draft!
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Now playing: Coldworker - I am the Doorway
via FoxyTunes

ECW & Smackdown update (week 9 - 06.09.2008)

ECW

This show is just plain fun, lately. Although Matt Sydal debuting two weeks ago under his real name, and then re-debuting under the name Evan Bourne was just plain stupid. I have no idea why they won't just let him wrestle under his established name. My girlfriend said that they should take the Jason Bourne approach and have Evan Bourne come out every week thinking it's his debut. Anyway . . .

Kane & CM Punk lost a Tag Team title match against Miz & Morrison. No shit. Funny that the current ECW champ and the Money in the Bank holder didn't win the tag straps. Stupid. ECW needs like two tag teams that can challenge for those belts. You could have a million matches with just two more teams. Why not move London & Kendrick and Wang & Moore to ECW if/when Yang comes back?

Kofi & Bourne teamed up against Knox & Shelton in a really fun, indie-style match. Disgusting-looking dropkick from the top gave Bourne a pin on Knox. Just brutal.

Teddy has a new assistant named Tiffany No Last Name For The Divas, who got hit on by Estrada, leading to an Estrada/Finaly "match." Finaly destroyed Estrada, and then was again beaten by Delany (again). Then, Estrada was beaten by Hornswoggle. Is this guy being punished for something? Post-match, Finlay, Hornswoggle, & Delany all danced around until Delany took Hornswoggle's hat and Finlay laid him out . . . for some reason. Weird.

Victoria was victorious (nice, huh?) against Cherry in another one of these mysterious, new-title qualifying matches. Harsh-looking bump from the apron knocked out Cherry for the Victoria win.

Mark Henry continued to get in the face of the Big Show, reminding him that if Show wins at Night of Champions (NOC), he wants to challenge him first. I like Mark Henry, but Show would be a way better champ.

Smackdown

Show opened with Vickie and Batista getting the contract ready for the NOC PPV match between Batista and Edge. Of course, Edge had already signed it, but Vickie added two portions to the contract, stating that not only did Bastista have to beat the Great Khali (again) to get his match, but if he lost, he'd be banished from WWE, just like the Undertaker. Of course, Batista beat Khali (again) in the main event and the NOC match is on. Gah.

Backstage, CM Punk interrupted Edge and teased that he was going to cash in his Money in the Bank contract at Edge's wedding, which would be hilarious. This led to an MVP/Punk match after MVP asked Vickie to re-negotiate his contract. Basically, she told him to take out Punk and they'd talk.

MVP/Punk match was pretty long for a TV match, and saw MVP working over Punk's left arm and shoulder. Finish was clever, though: MVP took off the protective covering from the top turnbuckle in one corner, and while Lil' Natch was re-applying it, MVP went to smash Punk with his MITB briefcase. Punk ended up doing his knee-in-the-corner thing, causing MVP to drop the briefcase. Punk picked it up right as the ref turned around and was DQ'd based on the assumption that Punk leveled MVP with said briefcase. Neat, but I love the fact that refs can end matches on assumptions.

In a flashback to last week's Smackdown, we see Finaly and Hornswoggle challenging Miz & Morrison for their belts. I don't remember this happening, but whatever. Smackdown this week saw Morrison vs. Finlay, with Morrison getting the pin with a roll-up after Miz tried to beat up That Little Bastard and Finlay intervened.

Cherry and Maryse squared off in another mysterious Diva qualifying match. I guess the way this works is that Natalya is in the match for the new belt for sure, and the rest of the Divas are competing for the other spot. If it's not Victoria, I'm going to be pissed, but chances are it's going to be a face instead of another heel. Argh.

Chavo announced that he and Matt Hardy would be wrestling for Matt's US title at NOC. With "Useless" Bam Neely and Chavo sitting ringside (but not on guest commentary, which was a nice change), Matt Hardy took on Chuck "Slash" Palumbo (skip ahead to :50) and picked up a win with the Twist of Fate.

Mark Henry beat Tommy Dreamer to kill time until NOC is over.

In another terrible tag-team move, Jesse & Festus beat Deuce & Domino, who then fought each other because they were mad about losing. Finally, wrestling fans can get the feuds they've been clamoring for: Lance Cade vs. Deuce and Tervor Murdoch vs. Domino! YES.


VARIOUS NOTES

-Next week brings the second installment of Vince's money giveaway thing, which should be finished soon, because it didn't help ratings whatsoever.

-Apparantly, Carlito talked shit on HHH at some Chilean press conference because he's once again unhappy with his place on the roster or whatever. Good idea, Carlito, bringing up how easy it is for HHH to get a championship because he married Stephanie. Instead of bitching, why don't you work on your in-ring skills? That might have something to do with it. He could be a contender for the US or even the IC belt if he just tried a little harder.

-JR had this to say about Bryan Danielson & ROH (from JR's blog):

"I watched ROH's Bryan Danielson wrestle in Oakland and I told any one who would listen that the young man is a keeper. Great work ethic, unique skills, lots of character, and he wrestles like he is a "star" which is not something all wrestlers can do. I wished Bryan good luck as I left the arena in Oakland Monday and he went back to speaking with Shawn Michaels which can't be a bad thing for Bryan. Not unlike the CAC the WWE might be well served to help subsidize the ROH as they seem to be one of the most viable entities when it comes to developing talent. Pat Patterson told me that the show the young kids had on Monday Night for the CAC was "excellent" and that there were several kids that the WWE should seriously look at sooner than late."

Why the WWE hasn't taken ROH under it's wing as a developmental promotion is beyond me. It'd make me attend more shows, that's for sure.

Raw Update (Week 9 - 06.09.2008)

So this was the first week of McMahon's Million Dollar giveaway thing. Interesting concept, and it was fun watching McMahon be fairly candid while trying to operate the phone. At one point, he got one of those "Please enjoy the music while the person you're calling is located" recordings, and Rick Astley came on over the PA. Then, Vince hung up on the poor guy because he was confused or something. Thankfully,Vince called him back (with another appearance by Astley) and awarded the viewer some money. I wonder if Vince owes Astley some money, now . . .

Now, as of this writing, the ratings aren't out, but it'll be interesting to see what kind of impact this stunt had, or if it's just going to be the same amount of viewers, the only difference being that they're now registered for this contest. If this really is an effort to get fans to watch the show live, it's going to fail, because the secret password needed to win the money was shown both at the start of the broadcast and on the website. So . . . a Tivo owner like myself could just check the password around 8 PM and just wait for the phone call to come while watching something else.

Vince: "Hello, who is this?"
Me: "This is Dave Hoffa!"
Vince: "This is Vince McMahon from the WWE. Are you watching Raw?"
Me: "Uh, yeaaaaahhhh . . . "
Vince: "What's the password?"
Me: (checking a piece of paper I scribbled it down on) "Blah Blah"
Vince: "You just won money!"

Overall, the first week of this giveaway was pretty entertaining, but I felt sorry for the woman who only won two dollars! Way to appreciate the fans, Vinnie Mac!

In an exciting turn of events, the Wrestling Observer is reporting that Ring of Honor's Bryan Danielson wrestled a dark match before Raw and went over Lance Cade! They trained together, so I suppose it's cool to have Danielson win, even in the midst of a Cade singles push.

So . . . Raw.

So the two matches announced at the top of the show were Jeff Hardy vs. HHH and John Cena vs. JBL (again).

Show started with Kennedy defeating Paul Burchill in a quick but fun match. I like this feud a lot. Mainly because it's simple: Kennedy wronged Paul and Katie Lea Burchill's friend William Regal and they're pissed. Kennedy is the cocky American face, while the Burchill's are the snooty, foreign, UK bastards. Post-match saw Katie Lea distract Kennedy with a shitty slap and Paul Burchill deliver a new finisher (thank god) that's named the Twisted Sister. It looked like a swinging neckbreaker, but the camera angle was super shitty when Paul snuck up on Kennedy so I'm not sure.

So Cena and JBL wrestled while HHH did guest commentary. Match ended when JBL nailed Cena with the newly-christened Lariet From Hell, and started to dismantle the announce table for some sort of smashing-through. You know, taking monitors out and whatnot. When he went back into the ring to get Cena, JBL was rolled up and lost. Oops. Then, HHH stood on the announce table to taunt Cena with the belt. Cena joined him and they had a face-off. HHH got off the table and swept one of Cena's legs, causing him to weakly fall onto the table. It sort-of looked bad, and made HHH look like a dick. The lady and I were thinking, at this point, "OK, so HHH is going to be the heel in this feud." Not so fast . . .

During the main even, HHH took on Hardy, which ended with a Hardy victory via count-out when Cena (who was doing guest commentary, of course) swept HHH's legs out from underneath him, preventing him from getting back into the ring. So wait, Cena's a dickhead, too? They're both heels?! What's going on? As HHH and Cena stared each other down, Hardy seized the day and did a dive onto both of them, ending the show.

I guess this finish was just Cena getting back at HHH for being an asshole, but as the all-American face, shouldn't he have taken the higher ground. Like, shown that he could've interferred but then not, letting Hardy get a clean pin? Of course not! How dare Jeff Hardy get a clean pin over HHH?

Elsewhere, this show was pretty strong. Best segment of the night was Chris Jericho's Highlight Reel, where he once again had Shawn Michaels on as a guest. Jericho was putting over Michaels very strongly, which usually means some heelish activity is afoot, and it was. After praising the shit out of Michaels, saying that he looked up to him and all of that, Jericho asked how he went from being so amazing to such a "lying, cheating, pathetic little worm," in regards to faking his knee injury. Then, well . . . it's worth watching.

p.s. Shawn Michaels is bald.

Mickie James beat Beth Phoenix in a non-title match, and Melina came down the ramp afterwards for some Beth Phoenix-fighting action.

Umaga & Snitsky teamed up against Holly & Rhodes to further the Ted DiBiase Jr. storyline. Interesting to note that Lawler referred to the Umaga/Snitsky team as "uglier than Hulk Hogan's divorce." OUCH. Holly & Rhodes lost clean (Lawler also mentioned the fact that it was a "clean win," which was interesting), and Ted Jr. came out to remind Holly & Rhodes that at Night of Champions, he and a mystery partner were going to win the belts. I'm almost inclined to get the PPV just to see this storyline develop, but I probably won't because I'm not rich.

Cryme Time over Santino & Carlito. Decent little match. JR kept referring to Shad as "Shad Gaspar" or something like that. Weird.

Raw ended with McMahon giving away $250,000 to someone. Crazy.

Overall, this was a really strong show both match-wise and money-giveaway-segment-wise.