Saturday, May 24, 2008

Smackdown (week 6 - 05.19.2008)

Head over to to hear a phone conversation between Hulk Hogan and his son Nick, blaming the fact that the other kid in Nick's car-racing crash is a vegetable on God punishing him.

What the fuck?!

Can you believe One Night Stand (ONS) is only one week away?! Not really. While the gimmicks are intriguing, I've somehow been roped into attending my sister's wedding shower that night, so it doesn't seem like I'll be getting this PPV.

Speaking of PPV's, I was 2/6 on my Judgment Day predictions. Technically, I was 2/7, but I didn't know there was going to be a Jeff Hardy/MVP match added at the last second.

So . . . Smackdown.

Show opened with Vickie Guerrero and Edge letting us all know that if Undertaker loses his match with Edge at ONS, he'll be "banished" from the WWE. Does that mean "fired?" Such a bizarre word choice.

Teddy Long made his final Smackdown appearance in MVP's VIP Lounge, where MVP chastised him for making MVP jump through so many hoops upon his debut in WWE. Batista came out and trashed the place, sticking up for Teddy in the process. Of course, MVP was pissed, so he demanded . . . something . . . and Vickie made a match between him and Batista for TONIGHT!

For some reason, Kofi Kingston & Matt Hardy teamed up to take on Shelton Benjamin & Elijah Burke. I don't recall Burke and Hardy having any beef, but Burke could be a good contender for the US Title. That man can wrestle! Give him a chance!!! Oh, Kofi & Matt won.

Deuce, Domino, & Maryse beat Jesse, Festus, & Cherry after Maryse kicked Cherry in the face. Cherry attempted a bulldog in this match, and fucked it up so bad it looked cool.

Kozlov over Nunzio with his lame finisher. Michael Cole even said "lights out!" Sounds like someone in the office has been reading the Stunt Granny! Now turn off the lights when Kozlov wins!!!

In another mysterious Chuck Palumbo match, he took on Finlay. Actually a decent match, there was some brutal-looking punches and kicks, of all things. Finlay won after Hornswoggle somehow spit the green mist even though he's not Asian and Finlay cracked Palumbo with his shillelagh. No Irish can have the Greendular Gland! I'm not liking Finaly winning by use of a wooden stick, though, when he was the brutal-looking Celtic Cross.

Main event was Undertaker versus Chavo with La Familia at ringside. Edge, Ryder, & Hawkins were all made to leave for some reason by Charles Robinson, but Bam Neely was allowed to stay and distract 'Taker every chance he got? Huh? Of course, 'Taker won.

Number of shoulders meeting ringposts: 3
Now playing: Ludacris - Stick 'Em Up
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Friday, May 23, 2008

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Regal Makes Me Mad / Raw & ECW update week 6 (5.19.2008)

Breaking news!!!

The William Regal as GM/King storyline was scrapped incredibly quickly Monday night on Raw, with him losing a, uh, Loser Gets Fired From Raw match against Mr. Kennedy. Speculation in the living room was that he was headed to Smackdown to heel it up, but I guess not. Real story is a second drug offense of some sort and a 60-day suspension.

Fucking Regal. His whole book is about ups and downs with pills, and here he is failing his second drug test and getting slapped with a 60-day vacation. This is where I get pissed that there's no legitimate pro-wrestling journalism. With a few clicks of the mouse, I can find out why Regal is really gone, but the WWE website is pretending like nothing is wrong.

What the fuck? Don't you want to promote the fact that you're taking action to discipline these guys? Wouldn't it make the WWE look better in the press? Hiding it just makes the WWE look shady.

In a perfect world, they would have the match on Raw, release a statement to the press on Monday explaining that Regal fucked up and got suspended (and also if they were planning on bringing him back or not), and, if they wanted to, eventually continue his storyline on TV. This wouldn't hurt programming at all, because WWE fans are either:

a) too young to know what's really happening, or
b) old enough to know what's going on and don't care, because if you're still a WWE fan into and past your teen years, it's pretty obvious that you enjoy both the entertainment aspect as well as the hard work the wrestlers put in.

People are going to find out one way or another. If Cena got busted for drugs, people would find out, and there would be nothing the WWE could do to make the fans forget. You've got to just roll with the punches, so to speak.

Why can't this company at least be honest with us off television?

Fucking Regal. I know it's easy for me to say, but get your shit together so we can have the pleasure of watching you be a jerk.


So in addition to the Regal thing going down, other things happened on Raw, including the tease of Ted DiBiase taking over the GM spot, which was later nullified by showing Teddy Long emerge from Regal's former office. Good to see Teddy being used correctly again, after watching him stagnate behind Vickie Guerrero's wheelchair for so long on Smackdown.

Jeff Hardy fought Umaga (AGAIN) which led to a double count-out/a match at One Night Stand (ONS) . . . which is in TWO WEEKS!!!

Beth Phoenix beat the crap out of Maria whilst Melina did guest commentary. Post-match, Melina attacked the Glamazon from behind with her shoe or boot or whatever she was wearing. Gotta' love that this whole feud is boot-based.

Katie Lea (Burchill) did some bad acting and informed Mickie James that she was also in search of some Women's Championship action. Katie Lea also gave Mickie shit about hanging out with John Cena.

Santino made fun of Roddy Piper in his own version of Piper's Pit, which led to Santino getting another face full of cake at the hands of this Sal guy from the Jimmy Kimmel show and the Rowdy one himself. I guess Santino and "my pal Sal" are having a match at some point, now? Okaaaay . . .

Main event was HHH & Cena vs. Orton & JBL. The heels won, and as such were able to choose their stips for their (re)matches at ONS. It's going to be JBL & Cena in a First Blood match, while HHH & Orton take another stab at the Last Man Standing match. If Orton doesn't win the belt back this time, he's officially out of the title hunt, methinks.


Well, this show aired.

Adamle had his best showing thus far, but he and Taz rolls are basically reversed at this point, with Taz handling some play by play and Adamle interjecting some bizarre statements here and there. For how shitty Adamle is at calling pro-wrestling matches, he sure is entertaining to listen to. What's up with that "walkout" they staged a few weeks back and Adamle's subsequent apology the next week at the top of the hour? Weird.

In a match that was never clearly explained, Kelly Kelly & Colin Delaney took on Mike Knox & Layla. Of course, we all ignored the fact that Mike Knox and Kelly Kelly were romantically involved two years ago when ECW first made its return. Of course, Knox destroyed Delaney, and then Estrada came out and did the same thing he did last week: declaring a new match and re-pinning Delaney. Also, Estrada's body is disgusting.

After cutting a decent promo, the Miz lost to Kane. Big surprise, there.

Shelton finally got his win over Kofi, and at the same time broke Kofi's undefeated streak. This match was pretty fun, with Shelton countering Kofi's silly (BO BO) double leg drop with a roll up pin attempt.

Billed as a tag-team match between "all former and active ECW Champions," CM Punk and Tommy Dreamer took on Chavo and Morrison. After things got underway, my girlfriend noted, "Shouldn't Big Show be in this match?" Then, Big Show came out and choke-slammed everyone.
Now playing: Primus - Groundhog's Day
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Saturday, May 17, 2008

Judgment Day predictions

So there's another PPV this Sunday, which I will not be ordering because 40 dollars is a lot of money for someone who just spent 40 dollars on a PPV three weeks ago.

WWE Championship: HHH (champ) vs. Randy Orton (steel cage match)

Hopefully, Orton comes out on top. WWE needs to keep us guessing when it comes to the title, and people fucking love to hate Orton, including myself. Give Orton the belt back and make HHH chase it.

WWE Tag Team Championship: Miz & Morrison (champs) vs. CM Punk & Kane

Miz & Morrison retain. The WWE needs another pair of tag champs that aren't really a tag team like they need more PPV's.

World Heavyweight Championship: Undertaker (champ) vs. Edge

Undertaker wins. Maybe Vickie will fuck up some attempt at helping Edge or something. Edge and Punk need to start their teased feud, already.

Women's Championship: Mickie James (champ) vs. Melina vs. Beth Phoenix (triple-threat match)

Mickie retains due to some tension between Melina and Beth Phoenix, I'm sure.

JBL vs. John Cena

Um . . . JBL? I have no idea. Hopefully JBL destroys Cena so they can take him off TV for a while and figure out what to do with him.

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels (apparantly Jericho is not defending his IC title)

Who knows? Hopefully Jericho because I like to see him win. Batista will most likely interfere, also. Or maybe he'll beat down Michaels after the match or something. This feud fucking sucks.
Now playing: Gorguts - Rapturous Grief
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Week 5 update: 5.12.2008

I know, there was no week four update. On to this week!


Regal opening the show and threatening to throw out some people that ended up being Mickie James' brother and his girlfriend was pretty funny, with Regal threatening to give Mickie the boot if she didn't get out of his face. Mickie and John Cena flirting at the catering table was . . . interesting.

The return of Jeff Hardy was pretty anticlimactic, to say the least:

1) He came out with new music that no one recognized.
2) He came out with new music that no one recognized to cut a promo, which isn't his best area.
3) Regal cut his mic and made him wrestle Umaga, who he's wrestled a million-billion times before.

Huh?! Why not have him come out and help someone in a match or be someone's mystery opponent or something? The crowd was still happy to see him, but not as happy as they could've been.

Carlito and Santino retained their belts against Rhodes/Holly in a boring-ish match with Roddy Piper sitting really close to the ring for some reason. Maybe he realized he's not a quick as he once was and didn't want to miss his interference spot which helped the champs retain. What was up with JR mentioning that there was a "rumor" going around that Rhodes/Holly were going to be upset in this match? So weird.

Batista said he was going to hurt Shawn Michaels now that he knows HBK faked his injury at Backlash. Okaaaaaay . . .

Cryme Tyme lost to Cade/Murdoch which then lead to the inevitable move of Cade punching Murdoch in the face (which looked pretty good) and leaving the team. This is a terrible idea, because those two work very well together as the hick tag team. Apart from one another, they just don't seem to have what it takes to succeed. THE WWE NEEDS A STRONG TAG TEAM DIVISION. Yeesh.

Tensions are rising between Melina and Beth Phoenix after last week when Melina fucked up and hit the Glamazon with her boot, because this week, Phoenix left Melina in the lurch during their tag match loss to Maria & Mickie James. I guess I care.

This Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho, and (Dave) Batista feud is fucking stupid. Seriously. This week, Jericho decided that he wanted to apologize to Michaels for giving him a hard time about his knee, so he lays out this heel-y fake apology to HBK and gets a Superkick for his trouble. Then, Michaels claims that he was never injured in the first place, does a flippy move out of the ring, and walks up the ramp. So . . . is this feud over? do they have a reason to wrestle now that HBK has proven Jericho's point about him being a prick? Sure, Jericho probably wants to save face, but this being the last Raw before the Judgment Day PPV leaves zero time to establish this. Also - Batista was nowhere to be seen. LAME!!!

Kenndy beat Snitsky for some reason. Are Kennedy and Regal still feuding? Very odd.

Orton defeated Cena in the main event after Regal decided to interject JBL into the mix as a guest referee, who counted a fast three on Orton's behalf. OK. Then HHH came out all pissed off to beat up Orton and a cage magically lowered over the ring to remind us that they were going to be battling it out THIS SUNDAY in THAT VERY ENVIRONMENT for the WWE Championship.

Who was lowering the cage? Why?! We all caught a glimpse of the cage hanging up there during an earlier match! Are us fans supposed to believe that the cage was just up there for no reason? I mean, it clearly takes some sort of planning and manpower to get it up there in the first place before the show started. Is the idea supposed to be that Regal has that much foresight as King of the Ring/General Manager of Raw? What if HHH decided to lay low that night?

At least Orton's tumble over the ropes and out the bottom of the un-secured cage looked cool.

Overall? A weak, confusing show.


Colin Delaney lost to Mike Knox, who I'm finding a soft spot for. He could be the next Kane type figure: big, mean if necessary, powerful, etc. Then, a creepily-strong Armando Estrada came out and declared himself the newest (15th?) member of the ECW roster and beat down Delany again, giving The Underdog That No One Really Cares About his second loss in one night. Great feud building up, here.

Cherry pinned Victoria in a six-woman tag match that also features some other Divas. Cherry is really getting a big ol' face push for some reason.

Kofi made Shelton look like a chump in the Backstage Area with a cheap shot. Who's the heel, here?

In a "preview" for their match at Judgment Day, Miz & Morrison beat Kane & CM Punk, who are only a team because they're both faces. Considering that Punk is the Money in the Bank holder and Kane is the ECW Champ, neither of them really has anything to gain by teaming up. Unless Punk is just trying to get close to Kane and build up some false trust for a huge heel turn and reclamation of the ECW title! Unlikely.

Another weak show.


In the third so-so show of the week, the opening segment was La Familia talking about how great Edge is or whatever until Teddy Long came to the ring bearing a letter from the WWE Board of Directors. Long story short (pun fully intended), Vickie Guerreo had to either:

1) get in the ring against Undertaker tonight in her first-ever match, or
2) resign from her position as General Manager of Smackdown

Then, Vickie was pissed at Teddy for going to this meeting with the Board of Directors (that she blew off for some reason?) and tried to fire Teddy, who quit instead.

She eventually decided to take the match, but using her power as GM, changed the match to be her whole stable against the Undertaker.

Now this is where I get confused. Vickie is the GM of Smackdown. Apparently, there's a Board of Directors (one would assume Vince, Linda, and some other mysterious figures) who can make huge, concrete decisions. But using her power as GM, Vickie has the ability to change the match in any way she sees fit but not cancel it? Where exactly does her power lie? GM's of these shows should just be around to make matches for other people, get in other people's business, and generally be decision makers for other people.

After MVP, Big Show, and Finlay all expressed dissatisfaction of being used in the mock tournament last week, Vickie set up a tag match between Finlay/Show and MVP/whoever he wanted (which turned out to be Mark Henry). Chavo also expressed concern that he was used in Edge and Vickie's plot. Oh, the heels won.

Also on Smackdown, the bizarre CM Punk and Chuck Palumbo feud continued with Punk getting a win over Palumbo in a decent match. The only thing I can think of here is that the WWE office people are seeing how Punk can work with all different sizes of guys. This feud came out of nowhere and has no logical reason to exist. Why do they dislike each other? Punk has nothing to gain by beating Palumbo and vice versa, unless Punk puts up his Money in the Bank contract for some reason, which won't happen.

Matt Hardy and Shelton Benjamin had a good match with Shelton jobbing . . . again. Really makes him feel like a legitimate threat for his third match against Kofi Kingston on ECW next week!

Former Deuce & Domino lady Cherry beat current Deuce & Domino lady Maryse in an OK match. Again, the Cherry push is bizarre, but she's not that bad in the ring. Better than I could do!

Kozlov over Funaki. Now, he's 7-0 against jobbers. Wouldn't be surprised if Shelton was his bitch next week. I'm bummed that Kozlov is coming to the ring with no lights on, but the lights remain up after the match for some reason. It was way better when he won and the lights went back down. You know, like it was "lights out" for his opponents?! Maybe I'm reaching, but it looked really cool.

The main event saw everyone (except for Chavo and Bam Neely, who left the arena for some un-specified reason before the match, but were most likely acting on the fact that Chavo was pissed he was a "pawn" in Edge's tournament victory) in La Familia try to beat down 'Taker, who eventally got Vickie in his grasp for an Earth-shattering Chokeslam, but was foiled by Edge with a Spear. Here's what could have happened instead:

Vickie pusses out on the match without consulting Edge and Teddy takes over Smackdown. Without her power in place, Edge starts to distance himself from Vickie, making him seem even more heelish in the process. Then, at the PPV, you can have Vickie try to help Edge and fuck up, therefore costing him the title. Or something.

Everything this week felt rushed and ill-thought out. I mean, the last PPV was only three weeks ago! If they just didn't have the Judgment Day PPV, these storylines would have four more weeks to play out! In other words . . .

Now playing: Coalesce - Sometimes Selling Out Is Waking Up
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Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Week 3 update - 4.28.2008


I was excited to see a re-match between Orton and HHH, hopefully with Orton taking back the title from HHH, but instead we got some insane ending with Regal pulling the plug on the show due to Kenndy's interrupting of his coronation AKA "insolence." Huh? The WWE is acting like the live crowd wasn't even there. What happened at the end of the match? Did Orton and HHH just get up and leave? So dumb.

Orton should have won the belt back clean, making this the second time that HHH has beaten him for the belt and then immediately lost it. That way, when HHH does end up keeping the belt, you could book him to beat Orton on a PPV, have Orton challenge him for a rematch that night or the next night on Raw, and have HHH win again, making it a decisive victory. All the while you can hype up the fact that Orton has beaten him in every immediate re-match blah blah blah. Stupid.

On the other hand, Jericho's segment with Shawn Michaels was pretty hilarious and worked very well. Jericho is best served as the cocky heel, because he can actually back it up in the ring. Interested to see how this ends up.

JBL beat a Highlander in like two seconds and then confusingly challenged both the winner of the main event title match (of which there didn't seem to be one) and John Cena. Who is he gunning for, here? Cena? The current champ? The Highlanders?

I actually liked the Paul Burchill / Katie Lea segment where they beat down Super Crazy. They thanked Regal for making it a two-on-one match and showcased the fact that Katie Lea can apparently wrestle. Here's to hoping Regal assembles a crew of swarthy Brits during his reign as King of the Ring.

Cade & Murdoch should not be broken up. THIS IS A BAD IDEA. Murdoch singing two verses of Garth Brooks' "Friends in Low Places" was super weird. Maybe they're going to make Murdoch a total maniac or something. They could be a powerhouse tag team like the Acolytes, but instead they're being separated. Fucking lame.

Good Divas beat the Bad Divas in a Backlash rematch. Whee!

Like Cody Rhodes over Santino, and this feud is shaping up nicely. Awesome seeing Rhodes get on the mic post-match to talk down to Santino, only to have Carlito (who we had nicely forgotten about on the outside) sneak in and deliver the Backstabber. Nice build. Also good to see Holly being a little rough (like in a "That's how you do it!" way) with Rhodes after his win and then Rhodes showing some fire. Good teacher/student thing going on there (they stole your idea, Bobek!).

Overall, decent show . . . terrible ending. Give Orton back the belt!!!


Dreamer loses to Mike Knox! Knox could pull off the crazy big-guy gimmick way better than Snitsky, who we've (thankfully) seen zero of lately. I like his loose-canon facial hair, too.

Shelton beat Kofi two weeks in a row. Good to see that Gold Standard gimmick is really raising Shelton to that next level.

Striker had Foley on his classroom segment, which was good because they're both great on the mic, but this seemed like filler more than anything else, as Foley probably won't be wrestling any time soon.

For some reason, Chuck Palumbo beat CM Punk. What is going on here?!

Main event saw Chavo and Bam Neely beat Kane, but with no commentary. Apparantly, the E is trying to get fans to talk about the shows after they're off the air, so Vince decided to stage some sort of announcer walk-off. I know we're talking about it now, but for all the wrong reasons. There was no teased tension between Taz(z) and Adamle, no bickering or anything. Is Taz(z) supposed to be frustrated with Adamle's lack of announcing skill? Is Adamle supposed to be pissed that everyone is making fun of him when he's trying his hardest? What the fuck is going on? So stupid.


Due to the Cubs game going into extra innings, I was only able to see the first hour of this show. OOPS.

Miz/Morrison retained the tag titles against Yang/Moore in a good match. Like the build here, too, because when those two finally lose the belts, it'll have an air of finally about it. Good, solid feud thus far. Throw in some gimmick matches and we're golden.

Mark Henry beat Nunzio (again), but this time Nunzio had Big Show in his corner for some reason, which led to a Henry/Show staredown. Okaaaaay.

Kozlov over Delaney. This was just Estrada softening up Delaney for their match next week on ECW's 100th episode. I'm guessing Colin will win his contract when he beats Estrada next week. Guessing.

Victoria and Natalya Neidhart over Cherry and Michelle McCool. I really like the pairing of Victoria and Neidhart, especially since they're really selling the fact that she's the Anvil's daughter: a total bruiser.

Then, I guess some other stuff happened: Hardy retained the US title against MVP, Finlay beat Julio Dinero (!), Foley talked to Batista who I guess is still pissed at Michaels, Jesse/Festus lost to Ryder/Hawkins, and I guess Vickie Guerrero decided that 'Taker's submission move was illegal, so he was stripped of the title. What?! Interested to see where this goes, but it's still so bizarre.

See you next week!!!
Now playing: The Ocean - Stenian / Mount Sorrow
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