Sunday, June 29, 2008

Night of Champions results!

Let's see how I did with my predictions, shall we?

Overall: 71%. Not too shabby, especially considering my predictions for One Night Stand were like 50% correct.

HHH vs. John Cena (WWE Championship) (0/1)

HHH retained, which I guess is the smarter move, considering the Stunt Granny's official HHH & Cena fan breakdown a few posts back. The fans feel more . . . something when it comes to HHH. Cena is too all over the map, fan-reaction wise.

Edge vs. Batista (World Championship) (1/2)

Edge retains via Chavo counting the three, I guess? Weird. I guess the ref got pulled out of the ring and yeah, Chavo counted one-two-three for Edge's sneaky Heel Victory.

Kane (from Raw & the ECW champ) vs. Mark Henry (now on ECW) vs. Big Show (from Smackdown) (ECW Championship) (2/3)

Big title win for the Human Candybar, Mark Henry.

Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes vs. Ted DiBiase Jr. & ??? (World Tag Team Championship) (3/4)

Of course, Cody turned on Holly and we have new Tag Champs. Excellent.

Miz & Morrison vs. Finaly & Hornswoggle (WWE Tag Team Championship) (4/5)

This was the correct decision. Basically an updated version of the old MNM, these guys are great as dickhead Tag Champs.

Matt Hardy vs. Chavo (US Championship) (5/6)

No shit.

Mickie James vs. Katie Lea Burchill (WWE Women's Championship) (5/7)

Damn. I messed up on this one, but Mickie is super over, so it's not surprising.

Forgot that Jericho was supposedly defending against . . . someone, and that someone happened to be Kofi Kingston, who defeated Jericho to become the new Intercontinental Champ! WHOA!

There was no new Diva Champion crowned.

Now playing: Ludacris - Cry Babies (Oh No)
via FoxyTunes

Night of Champions official predictions!!!

Let's see . . .

HHH vs. John Cena (WWE Championship)

I'm going to go with John Cena winning the belt, simply because as it stands, both belts are on Smackdown. Unless Batista beats Edge and HHH retains, causing a belt swap, but let's hope that Batista doesn't come out on top.

Edge vs. Batista (World Championship)

Like I said above, here's to hoping that Edge retains this bad boy. If he's not champ during his wedding, who gives a fuck? Plus, Batista sucks.

Kane (from Raw & the ECW champ) vs. Mark Henry (now on ECW) vs. Big Show (from Smackdown) (ECW Championship)

Easily the most confusing match on the card. Although Show was the best champ the new ECW has had to date, I'm going to go with Mark Henry on this one. He's given Kane not one, but two World's Strongest Slams in the past few weeks, so why not?

Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes vs. Ted DiBiase Jr. & ??? (World Tag Team Championship)

I still stand by my prediction from a few weeks ago that it's going to be Rhodes who's DiBiase's mystery partner, so look for a title switch here.

Miz & Morrison vs. Finaly & Hornswoggle (WWE Tag Team Championship)

If both Finaly and That Little Bastard getting drafted to ECW means they're going to take these belts, I'm going to be pissed. Because of that, I'm going to predict that Miz & Morrison retain, because they're great as the tag champs.

Matt Hardy vs. Chavo (US Championship)

Matt Hardy is not going to lose a title to Chavo.

Mickie James vs. Katie Lea Burchill (WWE Women's Championship)

I'm going to go with a surprise win for Katie Lea via Paul Burchill interference on this one. She's pretty good in the ring, and fans would be pissed, so yeah. Katie Lea on the upset tip.

Not sure what's going on with the new Diva's Championship, so I'll just predict that Victoria wins, because she's my favorite woman wrestler and has the most badass finisher.

I'm also going to predict that the Hardcore, Cruiserweight, European, and Million Dollar Belt are all won by MVP.

Now playing: Deep Puddle Dynamics - June 26th, 1999 - Exist
via FoxyTunes

Draft shit

So rather than do a complete re-cap of this insane week, we here at the Stunt Granny thought it best to just discuss some of the top stars and where they're headed after tonight's Night of Champions (NOC) PPV.

The draft-before-the-PPV set-up is/was extremely confusing, but here we go.

John Cena - He's still on Raw.

HHH - Drafted to Smackdown, holds the "Raw" belt, AKA the WWE Championship. Now, both world title belts are on Smackdown.

Edge - Still on Smackdown.

Rey Mysterio - Drafted to Raw from Smackdown, which he hasn't been on for weeks because of some injury.

Jeff Hardy - Drafted to Smackdown from Raw. Pictured in the new WWE magazine hoping to gain the WWE title.

Matt Hardy - Drafted to ECW! One of only four people drafted to ECW, maybe the US title will be like the TV Title of old. ECW needs another important belt, and if it's not going to be the Cruiser title or a resurrected TV title, I guess the US title will do.

Jim Ross - Drafted to Smackdown. Apparantly, he was pissed but got over it.

Michael Cole - Drafted to Raw. I can't imagine he's upset.

Batista - Drafted to Raw from Smackdown.

CM Punk - In a surprising move, he was drafted to Raw. Possible red herring, seeing as how he's been in matches against Edge, and teased cashing in the Money in the Bank contract during Edge's upcoming wedding.

Umaga - Drafted to Smackdown from Raw. Now, he can job to new and exciting people!

Kane - Drafted to Raw from ECW. Kane is currently the ECW champ.

Ken Kennedy - Drafted to Smackdown from Raw. Maybe he'll finally find some success on Friday nights, but after his drug bust or whatever, his momentum is dead.

Mark Henry - Drafted to ECW from Smackdown.

Big Show - Still on Smackdown, even though he's been vying for the ECW title as of late. Which is held by Kane. Who is now on Raw.


-Brian Kendrick was drafted to Raw, where Paul London now mysteriouly resides as well.

-ECW also got both Finlay and Hornswoggle, but here's to hoping that they don't win the tag belts from Miz & Morrison at NOC.

-Finally, ECW got . . . SUPER CRAZY!!! Big Super Crazy & Bam Neely feud forthcoming.

-Matt Striker was drafted to Raw, so hopefully he can finally do something on the undercard. A currently-wasted talent.

-ECW's top feud seems to be over, as Shelton was drafted to Smackdown while Kofi was sent over to Raw. Oh, well. There's still Bourne/Knox, which is entertaining.

From the Why Not? Department:

After the draft was over and Vince gave away $500,000 to a lucky viewer, he was crushed by the stage. Sadly, this new Vince angle comes one year after the last Vince angle that was ended prematurely due to the whole Benoit . . . unpleasantness.

NOC predictions forthcoming!!!

Now playing: Gravediggaz - Here Comes The Gravediggaz
via FoxyTunes

Sunday, June 22, 2008

ECW & Smackdown (week 10 - 06.16.2008)


Evan Bourne squared off against one of the most under-utilized wrestlers on the roster: Matt Striker. Pity that this was just a Bourne showcase, although Striker did manage to get in some cool-looking offense. Of course, Bourne took home the victory with a beautiful Shooting Star Press. Gotta' love Striker, though: when he had Bourne in some sort of Chin Lock or something, he was talking all sorts of shit, like "He's not making a name off of me!"


The best was when Striker and Big Daddy V were still a pair (whatever happened to that, anyway?) and CM Punk wrestled Striker. Striker had Punk on the mat and while working over Punk's hand of all things, spread Punk's fingers apart in the Live Long and Prosper/Big Daddy V sign and shouted out, "Look! He's a Big Daddy V fan!!" Brilliant.


Anywho, Bourne got annihilated by "Viking" Mike Knox post-match, and sold Knox' crazy Neck Breaker like a champ.

Cool segue, as Knox then had a scheduled match with Kofi Kingston. This was interrupted by Shelton Benjamin, who accidentally kicked Knox after giving Kingston a win by DQ.

Comedy match between Estrada and Hornswoggle was meh, even though Estrada took a nice flat-back bump after being tripped up on marbles outside of the ring. 'Swoggle got the win with the Tadpole Splash.

CM Punk over John Morrison for some reason in the last match. It was OK.

"Main Event" was a "face off" between Big Show and Kane. Of course, Mark Henry came in and got a double Chokeslam for his troubles. The best was Henry shouting, "If I'm not drafted, I'm coming after one of you!"

The fact that the draft is before the PPV is super bizarre.


Show opened with MVP talking about how pissed he was in general about his contract and his under-utilization or whatever. Vickie Guerreo told him that he had to face Kane, and that she didn't have time to discuss his contract in a "public forum." Since when?! MVP took a count-out rather than wrestle Kane. After the match, Mark Henry stormed down the ramp, looking for revenge from ECW. He clotheslined Kane outside the ring, and then tossed him in for a World's Strongest Slam. YES MARK HENRY.

Bam Neeley took on Matt Hardy in his first one-on-one match, which he lost due to Chavo trying to interfere, getting tossed by the ref, and Matt Hardy delivering the Twist of Fate after Bam finished arguing with the ref, Charles Robinson.

Vickie was upset about Robinson's supposed bias against La Familia, so she ordered him to wrestle - wait for it - the Great Khali!!! No shit. Khali destroyed Lil' Naitch with that Punjabi Karate Chop and the Double Hand Face Squeeze. Robinson did the stretcher job because his face was so goddamned smashed up:


Natalya Neidhart looked on while Michelle McCool defeated Layla with a Heel Hook.

Jamie Noble got destroyed by Kozlov after a brutal-looking headbutt to the ribs while coming off the ropes. Noble was the first wrestler to knock Kozlov off his feet, though (I think).

Deuce & Domino came out arguing to wrestle Jesse & Festus, and never really got into the match due to the fact that they started brawling before things could get started. Deuce gave Domino the Crack 'Em In Da Mouth and left him laying.

Finaly versus the Miz ended after a Celtic Cross from Finlay. 'Swoggle distracted the Miz by fighting with John Morrison (who was doing guest commentary . . . go figure) outside of the ring and Finlay was able to capitalize. Please don't let Finlay and Hornswoggle win the belts at the PPV!!! Please!!!

Main Event was Chavo versus Batista, with Edge as guest ref. Some funny spots with Edge obviously favoring Chavo (who was asked to be Edge's Best Man at the Big Wedding in a few weeks, by the way). Match ended with a super-fast count-out on Batista, and then a La Familia beatdown on Batista. Hooray!

Next week: the Draft, another Million Dollar giveaway, and some other crapola.

Now playing: The Casket Lottery - The Bridge
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Raw update (week 10 - 06.16.2008)

This was the second week of McMahon's Million Dollar giveaway, and he made a viewer/winner bark like a dog. Overall, the giveaway segments just interrupted the flow of the show.

Vince - people want to see wrestling matches. Period.

Umaga and John Cena fought in a street fight that wasn't very street-fight like. First of all, you're supposed to wear jeans to a street fight. Second, you're supposed to use all sorts of crazy crap, not just the ring steps, barely. Cena won, of course, because Umaga never wins.

Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes went up against Cryme Time, but when Ted DiBiase (no longer a "Jr" apparantly) came down the ramp at the start of the match, Holly rolled up JTG for the win.

I guess Mickie James and John Cena aren't fucking anymore, because she and Kennedy teamed up for some reason against Paul & Katie Lea Burchill. Burchills won.

In another snoozefest of a match, Jeff Hardy defested Carlito. What the fuck is going on?! Why is a Jeff Hardy wrestling HHH - the champ of the flagship show - one week and Carlito the next? Jeff Hardy won, duh.

There was a bikini contest for some reason. It was hosted by Charlie Haas for some reason. Maria won for some reason.

After being initally confronted by Ric Flair in a surprising (but wasted) appearance, Jericho followed Flair through the backstage area to fight him in the parking lot (???), only to be stopped short by HHH, who was pissed that Jericho smashed Michaels' face into a TV last week on Raw, possibly dislodging some of his hair plugs/comb-over. Finish saw Lance Cade (!!!) run-in and beat down both HHH & Cena, who also showed his big, freakish arms after this match went to shit.

Lance Cade? OK. I know he's suppsoed to be a heel, so him and Jericho beating down Cena & HHH makes what I like to call "wrestling sense," but here's what we here at the Stunt Granny can't understand about the Face vs. Face feud that is HHH & John Cena, audience-breakdown style.

John Cena:
-ladies love him because he's hot and muscle-y or whatever
-kids love him because he's the all-American good guy
-men hate him because he's hot and muscle-y and they feel threatened by him

This last point can be supported by the fact that when the lady and I went to Wrestlemania 23, Cena was booed out of the building by men, who at the same time were loudly supporting the guy dressed in sequins and with long, pretty blond hair (Shawn Michaels). Very interesting.

Result: divided crowd

-maybe ladies like him because he's muscle-y and somewhat attractive and kind of a dickhead, which I hear women are into.
-maybe little kids like him because he makes jokes about cocks and whatnot
-men seem to like him because he's a badass

Result: crowd confused/divided.

There's no clear person to root for or against in this stupid, stupid, feud. ARGH.

Next week on Raw: Da Draft!
Now playing: Coldworker - I am the Doorway
via FoxyTunes

Saturday, June 14, 2008

ECW & Smackdown update (week 9 - 06.09.2008)


This show is just plain fun, lately. Although Matt Sydal debuting two weeks ago under his real name, and then re-debuting under the name Evan Bourne was just plain stupid. I have no idea why they won't just let him wrestle under his established name. My girlfriend said that they should take the Jason Bourne approach and have Evan Bourne come out every week thinking it's his debut. Anyway . . .

Kane & CM Punk lost a Tag Team title match against Miz & Morrison. No shit. Funny that the current ECW champ and the Money in the Bank holder didn't win the tag straps. Stupid. ECW needs like two tag teams that can challenge for those belts. You could have a million matches with just two more teams. Why not move London & Kendrick and Wang & Moore to ECW if/when Yang comes back?

Kofi & Bourne teamed up against Knox & Shelton in a really fun, indie-style match. Disgusting-looking dropkick from the top gave Bourne a pin on Knox. Just brutal.

Teddy has a new assistant named Tiffany No Last Name For The Divas, who got hit on by Estrada, leading to an Estrada/Finaly "match." Finaly destroyed Estrada, and then was again beaten by Delany (again). Then, Estrada was beaten by Hornswoggle. Is this guy being punished for something? Post-match, Finlay, Hornswoggle, & Delany all danced around until Delany took Hornswoggle's hat and Finlay laid him out . . . for some reason. Weird.

Victoria was victorious (nice, huh?) against Cherry in another one of these mysterious, new-title qualifying matches. Harsh-looking bump from the apron knocked out Cherry for the Victoria win.

Mark Henry continued to get in the face of the Big Show, reminding him that if Show wins at Night of Champions (NOC), he wants to challenge him first. I like Mark Henry, but Show would be a way better champ.


Show opened with Vickie and Batista getting the contract ready for the NOC PPV match between Batista and Edge. Of course, Edge had already signed it, but Vickie added two portions to the contract, stating that not only did Bastista have to beat the Great Khali (again) to get his match, but if he lost, he'd be banished from WWE, just like the Undertaker. Of course, Batista beat Khali (again) in the main event and the NOC match is on. Gah.

Backstage, CM Punk interrupted Edge and teased that he was going to cash in his Money in the Bank contract at Edge's wedding, which would be hilarious. This led to an MVP/Punk match after MVP asked Vickie to re-negotiate his contract. Basically, she told him to take out Punk and they'd talk.

MVP/Punk match was pretty long for a TV match, and saw MVP working over Punk's left arm and shoulder. Finish was clever, though: MVP took off the protective covering from the top turnbuckle in one corner, and while Lil' Natch was re-applying it, MVP went to smash Punk with his MITB briefcase. Punk ended up doing his knee-in-the-corner thing, causing MVP to drop the briefcase. Punk picked it up right as the ref turned around and was DQ'd based on the assumption that Punk leveled MVP with said briefcase. Neat, but I love the fact that refs can end matches on assumptions.

In a flashback to last week's Smackdown, we see Finaly and Hornswoggle challenging Miz & Morrison for their belts. I don't remember this happening, but whatever. Smackdown this week saw Morrison vs. Finlay, with Morrison getting the pin with a roll-up after Miz tried to beat up That Little Bastard and Finlay intervened.

Cherry and Maryse squared off in another mysterious Diva qualifying match. I guess the way this works is that Natalya is in the match for the new belt for sure, and the rest of the Divas are competing for the other spot. If it's not Victoria, I'm going to be pissed, but chances are it's going to be a face instead of another heel. Argh.

Chavo announced that he and Matt Hardy would be wrestling for Matt's US title at NOC. With "Useless" Bam Neely and Chavo sitting ringside (but not on guest commentary, which was a nice change), Matt Hardy took on Chuck "Slash" Palumbo (skip ahead to :50) and picked up a win with the Twist of Fate.

Mark Henry beat Tommy Dreamer to kill time until NOC is over.

In another terrible tag-team move, Jesse & Festus beat Deuce & Domino, who then fought each other because they were mad about losing. Finally, wrestling fans can get the feuds they've been clamoring for: Lance Cade vs. Deuce and Tervor Murdoch vs. Domino! YES.


-Next week brings the second installment of Vince's money giveaway thing, which should be finished soon, because it didn't help ratings whatsoever.

-Apparantly, Carlito talked shit on HHH at some Chilean press conference because he's once again unhappy with his place on the roster or whatever. Good idea, Carlito, bringing up how easy it is for HHH to get a championship because he married Stephanie. Instead of bitching, why don't you work on your in-ring skills? That might have something to do with it. He could be a contender for the US or even the IC belt if he just tried a little harder.

-JR had this to say about Bryan Danielson & ROH (from JR's blog):

"I watched ROH's Bryan Danielson wrestle in Oakland and I told any one who would listen that the young man is a keeper. Great work ethic, unique skills, lots of character, and he wrestles like he is a "star" which is not something all wrestlers can do. I wished Bryan good luck as I left the arena in Oakland Monday and he went back to speaking with Shawn Michaels which can't be a bad thing for Bryan. Not unlike the CAC the WWE might be well served to help subsidize the ROH as they seem to be one of the most viable entities when it comes to developing talent. Pat Patterson told me that the show the young kids had on Monday Night for the CAC was "excellent" and that there were several kids that the WWE should seriously look at sooner than late."

Why the WWE hasn't taken ROH under it's wing as a developmental promotion is beyond me. It'd make me attend more shows, that's for sure.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Raw Update (Week 9 - 06.09.2008)

So this was the first week of McMahon's Million Dollar giveaway thing. Interesting concept, and it was fun watching McMahon be fairly candid while trying to operate the phone. At one point, he got one of those "Please enjoy the music while the person you're calling is located" recordings, and Rick Astley came on over the PA. Then, Vince hung up on the poor guy because he was confused or something. Thankfully,Vince called him back (with another appearance by Astley) and awarded the viewer some money. I wonder if Vince owes Astley some money, now . . .

Now, as of this writing, the ratings aren't out, but it'll be interesting to see what kind of impact this stunt had, or if it's just going to be the same amount of viewers, the only difference being that they're now registered for this contest. If this really is an effort to get fans to watch the show live, it's going to fail, because the secret password needed to win the money was shown both at the start of the broadcast and on the website. So . . . a Tivo owner like myself could just check the password around 8 PM and just wait for the phone call to come while watching something else.

Vince: "Hello, who is this?"
Me: "This is Dave Hoffa!"
Vince: "This is Vince McMahon from the WWE. Are you watching Raw?"
Me: "Uh, yeaaaaahhhh . . . "
Vince: "What's the password?"
Me: (checking a piece of paper I scribbled it down on) "Blah Blah"
Vince: "You just won money!"

Overall, the first week of this giveaway was pretty entertaining, but I felt sorry for the woman who only won two dollars! Way to appreciate the fans, Vinnie Mac!

In an exciting turn of events, the Wrestling Observer is reporting that Ring of Honor's Bryan Danielson wrestled a dark match before Raw and went over Lance Cade! They trained together, so I suppose it's cool to have Danielson win, even in the midst of a Cade singles push.

So . . . Raw.

So the two matches announced at the top of the show were Jeff Hardy vs. HHH and John Cena vs. JBL (again).

Show started with Kennedy defeating Paul Burchill in a quick but fun match. I like this feud a lot. Mainly because it's simple: Kennedy wronged Paul and Katie Lea Burchill's friend William Regal and they're pissed. Kennedy is the cocky American face, while the Burchill's are the snooty, foreign, UK bastards. Post-match saw Katie Lea distract Kennedy with a shitty slap and Paul Burchill deliver a new finisher (thank god) that's named the Twisted Sister. It looked like a swinging neckbreaker, but the camera angle was super shitty when Paul snuck up on Kennedy so I'm not sure.

So Cena and JBL wrestled while HHH did guest commentary. Match ended when JBL nailed Cena with the newly-christened Lariet From Hell, and started to dismantle the announce table for some sort of smashing-through. You know, taking monitors out and whatnot. When he went back into the ring to get Cena, JBL was rolled up and lost. Oops. Then, HHH stood on the announce table to taunt Cena with the belt. Cena joined him and they had a face-off. HHH got off the table and swept one of Cena's legs, causing him to weakly fall onto the table. It sort-of looked bad, and made HHH look like a dick. The lady and I were thinking, at this point, "OK, so HHH is going to be the heel in this feud." Not so fast . . .

During the main even, HHH took on Hardy, which ended with a Hardy victory via count-out when Cena (who was doing guest commentary, of course) swept HHH's legs out from underneath him, preventing him from getting back into the ring. So wait, Cena's a dickhead, too? They're both heels?! What's going on? As HHH and Cena stared each other down, Hardy seized the day and did a dive onto both of them, ending the show.

I guess this finish was just Cena getting back at HHH for being an asshole, but as the all-American face, shouldn't he have taken the higher ground. Like, shown that he could've interferred but then not, letting Hardy get a clean pin? Of course not! How dare Jeff Hardy get a clean pin over HHH?

Elsewhere, this show was pretty strong. Best segment of the night was Chris Jericho's Highlight Reel, where he once again had Shawn Michaels on as a guest. Jericho was putting over Michaels very strongly, which usually means some heelish activity is afoot, and it was. After praising the shit out of Michaels, saying that he looked up to him and all of that, Jericho asked how he went from being so amazing to such a "lying, cheating, pathetic little worm," in regards to faking his knee injury. Then, well . . . it's worth watching.

p.s. Shawn Michaels is bald.

Mickie James beat Beth Phoenix in a non-title match, and Melina came down the ramp afterwards for some Beth Phoenix-fighting action.

Umaga & Snitsky teamed up against Holly & Rhodes to further the Ted DiBiase Jr. storyline. Interesting to note that Lawler referred to the Umaga/Snitsky team as "uglier than Hulk Hogan's divorce." OUCH. Holly & Rhodes lost clean (Lawler also mentioned the fact that it was a "clean win," which was interesting), and Ted Jr. came out to remind Holly & Rhodes that at Night of Champions, he and a mystery partner were going to win the belts. I'm almost inclined to get the PPV just to see this storyline develop, but I probably won't because I'm not rich.

Cryme Time over Santino & Carlito. Decent little match. JR kept referring to Shad as "Shad Gaspar" or something like that. Weird.

Raw ended with McMahon giving away $250,000 to someone. Crazy.

Overall, this was a really strong show both match-wise and money-giveaway-segment-wise.

Another wrestler suspended!

Jimmy Wang Yang has been given a 30-day vacation.

Shannon Moore was last reported to be constantly refreshing the WWE website, making sure that he's not being wished well in his future endeavors.

Sunday, June 8, 2008


D-Lo Brown has been re-signed by the WWE!

If he doesn't have that chest protector, I'm never watching TNA again.
Now playing: Cephalic Carnage - Enviovore
via FoxyTunes

Week 8 update (06.02.2008)


So this show started with McMahon declaring a match between Cena & Jeff Hardy, the winner getting a title shot at the next PPV (Night of Champions). Of course, Cena won, and I don't really look forward to a Face vs. Face match for the belt. The crowd is already divided on Cena, so maybe this is the time to turn him heel. I've said it before and I'll say it again: something needs to happen with Cena soon, because the crowd is just confused by him.

Elsewhere on the show, Jericho declared that he was going to be a fighting champion, defending the Intercontinental belt as much as possible. YES. The IC belt has a strong history, and without no cruiser title anymore, the US belt sort of being important, & the tag division (hopefully) on the rebound, the WWE needs a belt aside from the top ones to actually mean something. Starting things off was a win over JBL, who was disqualified for bringing a chair into the ring.

Kenndy took on Umaga because Paul Burchill was too busy helping his sister Katie Lea get ready for her match. Kenndy won on a count out after Umaga fucked up his ribs on the announce table and Burchill snuck in to beat down Kennedy. Good start to what could be a decent feud that could get even better if Regal gets reintegrated when he comes back.

Katie Lea & Beth Phoenix teamed up against Melina & Mickie James. All Melina cared about was getting back at Beth Phoenix after her loss at One Night Stand, which worked really well in establishing Melina as a face. Unfortunately, Melina's shortsightedness caused her team to lose, with Katie Lea getting the pin on Mickie James. Post-match celebration was broken up by Kennedy rushing the winning team, who had been joined by Paul Burchill.

I guess Mickie James and John Cena are fucking, because Cena had Mickie James' panties for some reason. Bizarre segment in a storyline that seems to be going nowhere.

Piper was the guest timekeeper in a tag match between Holly & Rhodes and Carlito & Santino, and ended up costing the champs the (non-title) match. OOPS. Holly was all pissed off at Rhodes, who was subsequently approached by Ted DiBiase Jr. in the most interesting storyline brewing right now. DiBiase reminded us that in three weeks, he's going to have a partner and become one-half of the tag champs.

PREDICTION: Holly & Rhodes come out to defend their titles. DiBiase Jr. comes out sans partner. Gets on the mic and announces that his partner is Rhodes, leading to a Holly beatdown and title switch. It'd be cooler if they just took the titles, though, instead of winning them. Maybe Ted's pops will use his pull with Vince and make it a handicap match or something stupid, though.

Cade battled Murdoch in a match that no one wanted to see. Apparently, Murdoch was just holding Cade back, which is the weakest excuse to break up a tag team. This reasoning is even more confounding, because they were a team that worked really well together. How was he holding him back? From becoming mediocre and then cut from the roster? Fucking stupid angle.

McMahon also clued us in to the money giveaway thing, so if viewers register on the WWE site, remember a code shown during the show, and correctly recite it back when being called personally by Vince, they win a cut of the money. Still not going to make me watch live, sorry. No commercials and not having to sit though segments that are commercial/recap/commercial is way more important to me than the slim chance I might win some money, maybe.


After a Tivo-assisted break for Hell's Kitchen, ECW was up next on our Tuesday TV Triathlon.

Finally, this show is getting interesting again. Teddy Long is the new GM!!!

Matt Sydal debuted against Shelton Benjamin with Kofi on guest commentary. Match ended with a brawl outside of the ring which saw Shelton powerbomb Sydal onto Kofi over the announce table. It was pretty awesome. Shelton got the win via count-out, was rushed by Kofi, and left him lying after a friendly toss into the two-ton steel steps. This feud is suddenly awesome.

Four-way match between Punk, Chavo, Dreamer, & Morrison saw Punk win a chance to face Kane later in the night. The Kane/Punk match ended with a Kane victory and a Miz/Morrison induced Kane beat down. Why do they hate Kane? I can't seem to remember why the tag-team champions have a feud with the World Champion. This makes no sense.

Matt Hardy wrestled Estrada, won, and then Estrada lost to Colin Delany in a table-turning match set up by Teddy. Now, Estrada is contract-less and must earn it back. Could be entertaining, but as Long as Teddy is involved, I'm interested.


Opening segment saw La Familia getting booed out of the building, which proves the Stunt Granny's prediction that the title is best served around Edge's waist. The fans were seriously pissed. Then, Batista came out and wanted a title shot and I was booing for a different reason. This had better not last long, because Batista fucking sucks and would make a terrible champion . . . again.

Vickie said he could have his title shot at Night of Champions if his team won an 8-man match against La Familia (Edge, Chavo, Ryder, & Hawkins . . . sorry Bam). Of course, his teammates were chosen by Vickie and consisted of Colin Delany, Nunzio, & Funaki. Of course, Batista's team won so he gets his title shot. Nunzio was never in this match, by the way. He just ran in during the typical melee that ensued right before the finish of the match.

Fuck off, Batista.

Vickie also announced that she and Edge would be getting married in five weeks on Smackdown. Let's hope that Edge doesn't have a heart attack and Vickie magically disappears.

Vickie also announced that there was going to be a Divas Championship on Smackdown, so that's cool. The Golden Star match that night was actually a Cardboard Star On A Pole match between all of the Smackdown Divas, and Natalya Neidhart won. Because of this, she can now vie for the new title, I guess. Really confusing setup.

Big Show came out and is FUCKED UP. He was all smiles, though, until the Human Candybar Mark Henry came out and challenged Show. Show invited Henry into the ring, but since Show is too fucked up to wrestle, Henry just walked to the ring, acted like he was going to get in, and instead gave Show the I-changed-my-mind-you're-not-worth-it-right-now double-hand wave/brush off. I like both of these guys, so we'll see what happens.

In the lowest portion of the show, the Great Khali returned and squashed Deuce & Domino for some reason.

Fuck off, the Great Khali.

Finlay & Palumbo matched up in a Belfast Brawl for the hell of it. That Little Bastard nailed KO Palumbo with a low blow, causing to drop his Random Motorcycle Chain Of Doom. Finlay then used said chain to KO, um, KO and pick up the win. Interesting segment post-match which saw Miz & Morrison teasing Hornswoggle by holding his hat out of reach, only to be interupted by Finlay, who put the hat on his own head and said, "Go ahead. Take my hat." Pretty hilarious.

Kozlov is now 10-0 with a win over Jimmy Wang Yang. Yang got folded up like the proverbial accordian after Kozlov knocked him silly. In HUGE news, Kozlov, used a different finisher. Instead of that lame inverted DDT thing, he did a belly-to-belly throw thing. Again, NAME THE MOVE THE "LIGHTS OUT" AND TURN THE LIGHTS BACK OFF WHEN KOZLOV WINS.

I'm telling you, it would be rad.

See you next week at some point!
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Tuesday, June 3, 2008

One Night Stand results

I did shitty. 57% correct. Haven't watched Raw yet, so this is the "what do I know?" post.

HHH vs. Orton (0/1)

Of course, HHH won, but I'm going to pretend it was only because Orton broke his collarbone during this match.

'Taker vs. Edge (1/2)

Thank god Edge won this. There's no other heels on Smackdown that are really worthy of challenging 'Taker, and Edge is a great champ, so let's hope he doesn't get injured.

JBL vs. Cena (1/3)

Dammit, Cena! I guess the plan is for the Summerslam main event to be Cena/HHH, which I could give a shit about.

Michaels vs. Batista (1/4)

Well, I guess Batista isn't taking time off. Here's to hoping we get an awesome Edge/Batista feud. Oh, a sarcasm detector! That's a real useful invention!

Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga (2/5)

Who knows what's going on with either of these two. Maybe they'll feud! I guess the WWE still isn't mad at Hardy, but he needs to bring some love back to the IC belt or something, because no one except for little kids would buy him as a world champ. Then again . . .

Crazy ECW Singapore Cane match (3/6, Big Show)

So it's going to be Show vs. Kane at Night of Champions, presumably. I predict a Show title reclamation and a barn-burner of a feud with a returning Great Khali due to the draft and the fact that there's no other big men to challenge Show. Except for Mark Henry, the Human Candybar, that is.

Beth Phoenix vs. Melina (4/7)

I guess Beth Phoenix is going to feud with Mickie James, now, seeing as how Night of Champions is the next PPV.
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Sunday, June 1, 2008

OFFICIAL One Night Stand predictions!

HHH vs. Randy Orton (WWE Championship, Last Man Standing match)

I'm going to say Orton (even though I know better) to continue the shake-ups that are happening in the WWE right now. I just don't care enough about Cena or JBL vs. HHH at this point.

Undertaker vs. Edge (World Championship, TLC match)

Seeing as how there's no one else to challenge 'Taker at this point, Edge should win in one of his "signature" matches. How 'Taker wouldn't be "banished" from the WWE is a question that needs answering, though.

JBL vs. John Cena (First Blood match)

Here's to hoping JBL beats the shit out of Cena.

Shawn Michaels vs. Batista (Stretcher match)

Supposedly Batista is taking some time off, so I'll say Michaels.

Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga (Falls Count Anywhere match)

This could be a fun one, for sure. I'll say Jeff Hardy because it doesn't seem like anything will stop his push.

Crazy ECW Singapore Cane match thing

I'll say Big Show on this one, because he's the only one that should be able to beat Kane, size-wise.

Beth Phoenix vs. Melina (I Quit match)

Beth Phoenix because she's bigger.
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Week 7 update (5.26.2008)


With only two weeks (!) to prep for the One Night Stand (ONS) PPV, not a whole hell of a lot happened this week, save for McMahon's big announcements, which we'll get to later on.

In a typical two-match-combo match, JBL & Umaga beat John Cena & Jeff Hardy with a Clothesliene From Hell, which JR has been referring to as a "lariat" lately. Meh.

I thought that Jericho couldn't stand Shawn Michaels! After their match (and double count-out), Jericho helped Michaels to his feet instead of destroying him with a chair. Meh.

Cody Rhodes & Hardcore Holly defeated London & Kendrick to keep the belts. Cool finish saw London (or was it Kendrick?) skin the cat back into both the ring and the Alabama Slam. Pretty cool finish, actually. But the real story was after the match when the "Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase introduced his son, who declared that his first gold was going to be the tag titles currently being held by Rhodes & Holly. This was both cool and weird, because the tag division needs help, and because, um, he currently has no partner, so threatening the tag titles by himself was a little weird.

Supposedly, the WWE is planning on having a stable of second-generation wrestlers, which would be really awesome if done right, which it probably won't be. But it'd be cool to have these young whippersnappers acting all cocky but having some skill to back it up. A new generation type of thing. We'll see . . .

Kennedy over Carlito. Yay. After the match, Katie Lea & Paul Burchill beat down Kennedy with that lame Curb Stomp that looks terrible because Kennedy ended Regal's (very short) reign. Could be fun.

Melina made Jillian tap out while Beth Phoenix did guest commentary. Jillian fucking sucks.

The show ended with McMahon making his two insane announcements:

1. Draft in four weeks.

2. He's giving away $1 million to . . . someone. Somehow. At some point. Supposedly this is an effort to get fans to watch the show live instead of on Tivo. I will still watch on Tivo, most likely, because I am spoiled.

Further comment on these announcements when more details are revealed.


Kofi Kingston beat Mike Knox after somehow busting Knox open hardway above the eye. Post-match beatdown from Knox and Shelton.

Big Show beat Tommy Dreamer. That's weird.

Chavo defeated CM Punk in an okay match.

Main event was supposed to be Miz & Morrison versus Kane, but everyone involved in the Singapore Cane match came out and fought, instead.


Show opened with Batista talking all sorts of shit and Vickie making him wrestle Hawkins & Ryder with a tag-team member of his choosing. It ended up being Big Show (for some reason) and of course they beat down Ryder & Hawkins, simultaneous Batista Bomb/Chokeslam style.

Jamie Noble challenged MVP to a match and . . . lost. Okaaaay. One would hope that Noble would sneak out a win and they could have a fun little feud. Instead, Noble lost. They should be booking MVP like Foley was saying on commentary: like he needs to have a belt to feel worthy. Otherwise, people are getting in his face and he feels worthless. Nope, he just won, no problem.

Chuck Palumbo got DQ'd when he hit Finlay with a chain he had on his motorcycle for some reason. Whatever.

Punk beat Morrison after Miz got sent to the back by the ref. OK match.

Kozlov beat Shannon Moore. Are him and Yang even a tag team anymore? Again, I cannot stress this enough . . . TURN OFF THE LIGHTS AGAIN WHEN KOZLOV WINS.

Maryse and Michelle McCool wrestled and McCool won on a submission maneuver after a distraction from Cherry.

"Main event" was The Cutting Edge with special guest das Undertaker. La Familia beat down 'Taker and put him in a casket, only for him to appear at the top of the ladder in the center of the ring with Edge while Edge was making his "ascension" to the gold" type of speech. Of course, Edge got away, and either Hawkins or Ryder got a Last Ride through a table.

With only two weeks (!) to set up a PPV, this week was understandably weak (get it?).

Oh - maybe the WWE should have less PPV's! What a novel idea.
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