Week 7 update (5.26.2008)

Raw

With only two weeks (!) to prep for the One Night Stand (ONS) PPV, not a whole hell of a lot happened this week, save for McMahon's big announcements, which we'll get to later on.

In a typical two-match-combo match, JBL & Umaga beat John Cena & Jeff Hardy with a Clothesliene From Hell, which JR has been referring to as a "lariat" lately. Meh.

I thought that Jericho couldn't stand Shawn Michaels! After their match (and double count-out), Jericho helped Michaels to his feet instead of destroying him with a chair. Meh.

Cody Rhodes & Hardcore Holly defeated London & Kendrick to keep the belts. Cool finish saw London (or was it Kendrick?) skin the cat back into both the ring and the Alabama Slam. Pretty cool finish, actually. But the real story was after the match when the "Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase introduced his son, who declared that his first gold was going to be the tag titles currently being held by Rhodes & Holly. This was both cool and weird, because the tag division needs help, and because, um, he currently has no partner, so threatening the tag titles by himself was a little weird.

Supposedly, the WWE is planning on having a stable of second-generation wrestlers, which would be really awesome if done right, which it probably won't be. But it'd be cool to have these young whippersnappers acting all cocky but having some skill to back it up. A new generation type of thing. We'll see . . .

Kennedy over Carlito. Yay. After the match, Katie Lea & Paul Burchill beat down Kennedy with that lame Curb Stomp that looks terrible because Kennedy ended Regal's (very short) reign. Could be fun.

Melina made Jillian tap out while Beth Phoenix did guest commentary. Jillian fucking sucks.

The show ended with McMahon making his two insane announcements:

1. Draft in four weeks.

2. He's giving away $1 million to . . . someone. Somehow. At some point. Supposedly this is an effort to get fans to watch the show live instead of on Tivo. I will still watch on Tivo, most likely, because I am spoiled.

Further comment on these announcements when more details are revealed.

ECW

Kofi Kingston beat Mike Knox after somehow busting Knox open hardway above the eye. Post-match beatdown from Knox and Shelton.

Big Show beat Tommy Dreamer. That's weird.

Chavo defeated CM Punk in an okay match.

Main event was supposed to be Miz & Morrison versus Kane, but everyone involved in the Singapore Cane match came out and fought, instead.

Smackdown

Show opened with Batista talking all sorts of shit and Vickie making him wrestle Hawkins & Ryder with a tag-team member of his choosing. It ended up being Big Show (for some reason) and of course they beat down Ryder & Hawkins, simultaneous Batista Bomb/Chokeslam style.

Jamie Noble challenged MVP to a match and . . . lost. Okaaaay. One would hope that Noble would sneak out a win and they could have a fun little feud. Instead, Noble lost. They should be booking MVP like Foley was saying on commentary: like he needs to have a belt to feel worthy. Otherwise, people are getting in his face and he feels worthless. Nope, he just won, no problem.

Chuck Palumbo got DQ'd when he hit Finlay with a chain he had on his motorcycle for some reason. Whatever.

Punk beat Morrison after Miz got sent to the back by the ref. OK match.

Kozlov beat Shannon Moore. Are him and Yang even a tag team anymore? Again, I cannot stress this enough . . . TURN OFF THE LIGHTS AGAIN WHEN KOZLOV WINS.

Maryse and Michelle McCool wrestled and McCool won on a submission maneuver after a distraction from Cherry.

"Main event" was The Cutting Edge with special guest das Undertaker. La Familia beat down 'Taker and put him in a casket, only for him to appear at the top of the ladder in the center of the ring with Edge while Edge was making his "ascension" to the gold" type of speech. Of course, Edge got away, and either Hawkins or Ryder got a Last Ride through a table.

With only two weeks (!) to set up a PPV, this week was understandably weak (get it?).

Oh - maybe the WWE should have less PPV's! What a novel idea.
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