Thursday, July 31, 2008

Week 17 update Part One (7.27.2008)


So two major things happened on this show:

1. A new Raw GM was announced (it's Mike Adamle)
2. CM Punk was to wrestle the "hottest free agent in [the] business." It was William Regal returning from his suspension (please stay clean, Regal!!!)

Both of these were bummers. Regal should still be GM, and continue his alliance with the Burchills. Adamle as GM might be OK, because his segments will be straight scripted, but I have a hard time believing that the GM is someone who doesn't even know what a bodyslam is.

So Punk and Regal wrestled, and Regal did that spot to Punk where he kicks his oppononent's head into the ring post. Punk's nose was all bloody, and he got the win, so that makes me believe that he'll retain against (his likely opponent) JBL at SummerSlam now that we've been reminded that Punk is a badass. That's my main complaint of his character: he's too friendly. He loves competition, right? Why not let him have a little fire once and a while?

Main event was Cena & Batista vs. Kane & JBL, who lost. Post-match, Adamle was announced as the new GM and declared Batista vs. Cena (first time EVER) for SummerSlam. Here's to hoping that Adamle as GM turns out to be someone else using him as a puppet or something.

Jericho hosted the final episode of The Highlight Reel, which was waaaaaay too long. He did have the smashed "tron" TV hanging in the background, though, so it was aesthetically pleasing, at least. I like this feud in theory, but it's hard to have a storyline when one of only two main participants is nursing a busted eye off camera.

Kofi defeated Jamie Noble.

Rhodes & DiBiase were set to wrestle Hacksaw and Lawler, but the mysterious new GM declared Lawler's new partner to be Michael Cole. Huh? Again, Adamle doesn't even know what a dropkick is, and he supposed to be making matches? Doesn't make sense!!! Cole got his ass beat and then was pinned.

Mickie James defeated Jillian, and got beaten down post-match by Katie Lea Burchill. Paul came out, too, and Katie Lea officially announced that she was in the running for the Women's Championship and Paul was in the hunt for the IC strap. Pretty cool that directionless characters are being given titles to strive for, finally.

D-Lo and Kelly Kelly lost to Santino and Beth Phoenix, who decided to keep their relationship "strictly professional," until Phoenix was overcome with passion and kissed Santino. This pairing could be great, as they're both good wrestlers and Phoenix has been able to hang with Santino comedy-wise for two weeks, now.

Overall, decent show, but Adamle as GM could be fucking terrible.


This show has nothing interesting going on.

Todd Grisham replaced Mike Adamle on play by play. He seemed nervous, but clearly knows more than Adamle and seems like he deserves a chance. Go Grisham!!!

Mark Henry bent a steel bar.

Tony Atlas rambled on and on.

Hardy defeated Delaney in the main "event," and after the match grabbed Delaney in the ring and tossed him over the top rope.* Whee!

Ricky Ortiz took on Chavo. Ortiz is so boring to watch. He's got a good look, but hasn't done shit in the ring to impress the Stunt Granny, and we're the be-all-end-all of internet wrestling analaysis, so there. Ortiz took home a win because of Bam Neeley's interference. Post-match, Bourne delivered a missle drop kick to Chavo and took off.

Miz & Morrison took on Finaly & Hornswoggle in a tag match. Why?! Miz & Morrison won, and Mike Knox beat down Finlay afterwards. Backstage, Knox let us all know that Finaly had gone soft. This could be interesting, if they decide to let Finlay be the badass he is instead of this comedy shit with Hornswoggle.

Boring show that just couldn't hang after watching Wipeout.

*These results courtesy of WWE, because it stormed all crazy-like and Directv fucked up.

Now playing: Deshawn - Snakes
via FoxyTunes

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Week 16 update, Part Two (07.20.2008)

OK show. Lots of build to SummerSlam, here.

Show opened with Jeff Hardy guesting in the VIP Lounge. This segment dragged, so the last few minutes were fast-forwarded through. Basically, MVP made fun of Jeff Hardy. These two, plus the Great Khali, Big Show, and Mr. Kennedy took part in a Battle Royale later in the night with the winner going on to face HHH (who wasn't on this show at all . . . some champion) at SummerSlam.

It came down to Khali and Jeff Hardy, with stupid fucking the Great Khali coming out on top. Hopefully, HHH will take out Khali and that'll be the end of this Pujabi "sensation." Ugh.

Hawkins took on Festus, with Festus getting the pin.

Jimmy Wang Yang lost to Shelton in a fun match. Yay!

Kozlov defeated Stevie Richards in his hometown . . . big surprise. Post-match, Kozlov stormed over to the announce table and demanded better competition. Seriously. Hopefully he also asks for his entrance to be reverted back to its original state. His music seriously sucks.

Brian Kendrick defeated Shannon Moore with Sliced Bread Part Two, which is apparantly now called The Kendrick. Um, first of all, the original name was awesome. Second of all, The Kendrick is all sorts of The Stupid.

Main Event was Edge apologizing to Vickie in the middle of the ring, who denied him kisses and instead told him that "hell hath no fury over a woman's scorn." Huh? After that line flub, she informed Edge that not only did she re-instate Undertaker, but that Edge would be facing him at SummerSlam . . . HELL. IN A. CELL!!!

With three long weeks to build to the halfway-to-Wrestlemania PPV, I don't have high hopes.

Here's the Kendrick/Yang match from last week. Enjoy until it gets taken down:

Now playing: Malevolent Creation - To Kill
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Thursday, July 24, 2008

Week 16 update, Part One (7.20.2008)


Decent show.

Rematch of the six-man tag from last week (JBL & Rhodes & DiBiase vs. Cena & Cryme Tyme) was fun again, but not as much as last week, of course. Cool spot where Cena had both Rhodes & DiBiase on his shoulders for the FU, and gave them each a toss, one by one. JBL took off like the Heel Coward and the faces scored the win.

Earlier in the night, Hacksaw came out and told the crowd that maybe Rhodes & DiBiase were right, that maybe he should hang up his boots. Lawler cheered him up, and the second-generation stars came down to the ring and talked some more shit, which led to a slap from Lawler to Rhodes. I predict some sort of tag-team match in the near future between these four.

Lance Cade defeated Paul London, who hasn't had a character makeover like his former partner, Brian Kendrick. Jericho came out and talked shit on Shawn Michaels. Clips from the GAB showed Jericho completely destroying Michaels' eye, who bled like a champ. According to the storyline, Micaels has a detached retina. Ow!

D-Lo Brown made his triumphant return with a win over Santino. The match was watched by Beth Phoenix, and post-match her and Santino exchanged Waist Locks, and then a Lip Lock. This storyline has many humorous possibilities.

Decent mixed-gender tag match between the Burchills and Kofi & Mickie James. Burchills won, for once!

Main event saw CM Punk accepting Batista's challenge for a rematch from the top of the show, but of course, JBL and Cena did run-ins. Seems like the WWE is scared to have Punk go over Batista clean. Weird, but I guess I understand.


Show opened with Teddy Long introducing a new ECW Championship belt!!! It's all silver and black. Pretty cool and different looking. Long re-awarded it to Mark Henry, who came out with Tony Atlas. Colin Delaney made his why-I-turned-my-back-on-Tommy-Dreamer speech (because, of course, Delaney was sick of being a punching bag, etc), and then was turned into a punching bag by Tommy Dreamer. Great. Hopefully this stupid Colin Delaney thing is over.

Evan Bourne defeated James Curtis while Chavo offered commentary. Mike Adamle asked Chavo what his time frame was for getting back the ECW Championship, which was pretty funny. Considering he jobbed last week to Evan Bourne in Bourne's third match on WWE TV makes us here at the Stunt Granny think . . . never!

Main event was a number-one contender's match to see who would face Mark Henry at SummerSlam. Miz, Morrison, Matt Hardy, and Finlay had a boring-at-first-but-then-fun-at-the-end match, with Matt Hardy coming out on top, of course.

See you later in the week for a Smackdown update!

Now playing: Pantera - Message in Blood
via FoxyTunes

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Great American Bash results!!!

Alright . . . let's see how I did, shall we? Looks like (drum roll, please) . . . 62.5%!!!

Down from last month's Night of Champions high score of 70%, but not by much. Hopefully I can redeem myself in three days or whenever Summerslam is.

Fatal Four Way Tag Team Title match (Miz & Morrison vs. Finaly & Hornswoggle vs. Hawkins & Ryder vs. Jesse & Festus) (0.5/1)

Well, I correctly predicted that the belts would change hands, but I picked the wrong team to win it. Because I'm grading myself, I'm going to award myself one-half of one point. I like Hawkins & Ryder, but they're impossible to tell apart. They should start dressing exactly the same and pull some Killer Bees-style hijinks.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Matt Hardy (US Championship, 0.5/2)

Fuck me! I like Shelton, but didn't see this one coming. I guess Matt Hardy is going to somehow take out Mark Henry for the ECW Championship, now.

Mark Henry vs. Tommy Dreamer (ECW Title match, 1.5/3)

No shit. The fans care even less about Tommy Dreamer than they do Mark Henry, and I guess Colin Delaney turned his back on Dreamer during this match? Let the Dreamer/Delaney feud begin! It'll be one for the ages.

Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho (2.5/4)

OK, awesome! Michaels does the right thing!

Natalya Neidhart vs. Michelle McCool (Diva's Title match, 2.5/5)

Shiiiiiit. Michelle McCool sucks and her finisher sucks. Fuck this.

JBL vs. Cena (Parking Lot Brawl thing, 3.5/6)

I guess this was taped on Saturday night! Weak. Cool that JBL layed out Cena, though.

CM Punk vs. Batista (World Title match, 4/7)

This was a double-DQ thanks to Kane interfering in the match. Glad I didn't order this PPV 'cause I would've been pissed off at this lame finish. As preditcted, though, Punk still has the belt, although he didn't out-and-out win, so I'm going to award another half-point to myself because no one reads this.

HHH vs. Edge (WWE Title match, 5/8)

I guess Vickie interfered to give HHH the win. Go figure.

Now playing: Mos Def - Next Universe
via FoxyTunes

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Great American Bash official predictions!!!


Fatal Four Way Tag Team title match (Miz & Morrison vs. Finaly & Hornswoggle vs. hawkins & Ryder vs. Jesse & Festus

Hmmm . . . seems like the time is right for Miz & Morrison to lose the belts, but to who? I'll say that they lose the belts to their newest feud guys, Jesse & Festus, even though I think it's a bad idea.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Matt Hardy (US Title match)

Matt Hardy will keep his belt, even though I like Shelton.

Mark Henry vs. Tommy Dreamer (ECW Title match)

No way is Tommy Dreamer beating Henry. Mark Henry all the way.

Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

I'm going to hope that Michaels does the job to Jericho to help catapult Jericho's new, badass cult-leader gimmick thing.

Natalya Neidhart vs. Michelle McCool (Diva's Title match)

I'm going to say Natalya wins this, because she's tougher.

JBL vs. Cena (Parking Lot Brawl thing)

I'll go with JBL on this one, beating the shit out of Cena with some help from Rhodes & DiBiase. Hopefully they continue this feud with the new life of these youngsters breathed into it.

CM Punk vs. Batista (World Title match)

Maybe it's the mark in me, but I'm going to predict that Punk retains. He's a fresh take on things, and we've seen Batista as champ enough already.

HHH vs. Edge (WWE Title match)

Um, HHH?

Now playing: Curl Up & Die - Total Pandemonium
via FoxyTunes

Week 15 update?

I don't even know what week we're on anymore!

Raw this week was totally awesome until the last, ultra-stupid segment, where John Cena went searching for JBL out in the parking lot only to be attacked by JBL, propped up against another car (with a camera clearly mounted in the drivers seat), and then driven into by JBL. Of course, when JBL checked to see how brutally he had just killed Cena, he was nowhere to be found. According to the WWE, John Cena was able to escape despite being knocked unconscious by JBL with only bumps and bruises.


The other hour and fifty minutes was awesome, with Kane challenging CM Punk to a match because he "needed" to, losing via count-out, and then attempting to attack Punk with a chair. Batista made the save, wanting to keep Punk fresh for their title match or whatever, but then gave him a Spinebuster anyway.

Kane went bezerk two weeks ago and beat up Michael Cole for no reason. Please note: this week, Kane was carrying around a Mystery Bag, the contents of which were never revealed. Part of me hopes that the bag just disappears this week on Raw, so we all never know what that was about.

Raw opened with Shane and Stephanie appearing in a pre-recorded tape, begging the roster to maintain order and get along during McMahon's injury-vacation-whatever angle. As soon as this tape was over, Raw cut unexpectedly to Jericho and Michaels brawling in the aisle. Pretty cool way to start the show and a great way to put over the chaos angle. Us here at Stunt Granny HQ are begging for a match to end during a commercial break to add a legitimate-feeling aspect to the show, like anything can really happen! A match just ended during a commercial break!!!

Mickie James defeated Katie Lea Burchill and then had to deal with both Burchills until Kofi made the save and put his belt on the line right then and there against Paul Burchill. Another cool angle and a decent match. Kofi retained, by the way.

Santino made an open challenge, which was answered by Beth Phoenix! Another unexpected twist, and beat Santino in a great comedy match.

Snitsky beat Noble.

Main Event was a super hot six-man tag match between JBL and his newest investments, Rhodes & DiBiase vs. Cena and Cryme Tyme. Great, great match that the crowd was eating up, and also served to get over my man, Cody Rhodes, as a (at least semi-) legit hardass. He and DiBiase are perfect with JBL as his cocky cronies, so here's to hoping that this keeps going. Of course, this is the match that led to the opening paragraph of this update.


Mark Henry came out and bent a frying pan alongside the terrible mic skills of Tony Atlas.

Hardys over Miz & Morrison in a decent match.

Newcomed Evan Bourne defeated Chavo, who was a title contender a month ago.

My boy, Mike Knox, defeated Shannon Moore.

This show was meh.


This show was basically all wedding shit between Edge & Vickie. It was stupid.

Basically, they got married earlier in the day, and at the end of the weak show, HHH revealed his hidden-cam footage of Edge macking on (and then kissing) the wedding planner lady, whose name escapes me. Of course, it's never explained how HHH got this footage, etc. Fucking retarded.

The only things of note from Smackdown happened in the same singles match: the return of Jimmy Yang vs. the new, mean-spirited, cocky, and solo Brian Kendrick w/ a huge black dude named Ezekiel. Kendrick won with Sliced Break Part Two.

Great American Bash predictions next!!!

Now playing: J-Live - Do My Thing (Featuring Cvees)
via FoxyTunes

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

No update last week, I know.

I was busy being awesome this past week, so please forgive my lack of updates. Instead, enjoy this hilarious animated wrestling video with an Alkaline Trio soundtrack:

Now playing: Krisiun - Bleeding Offers
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Diva released

2005 Diva Search and Playboy Nast-face Ashley has been given the boot. Supposedly, she wanted to leave due to her kid being sick, but chances are this has to do with the fact that she was reportedly linked to a fancy-shmancy escort service!

At least now we don't have to look at her fucked-up face when she tries to smile with those two hoops through her bottom lip. Very punk. Also, I get the feeling that the bra in this photo is purely for show. Those bazoombas aren't going anywhere!

Maybe now she can be a back-up dancer for Avril Lavigne or something.

Peace out, Ashley!

Monday, July 7, 2008

Trevor Murdoch . . .

. . . has been released! I guess that singing gimmick just wasn't cutting it.

Sad to see him go, because he could be a great bruiser.

p.s. Fuck Lance Cade!

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Week 12 update (6.30.2008)


So as you've probably heard, CM Punk is the new World Champion! How, you ask? The Stunt Granny is here for you.

Basically, Edge came out at the top of Raw, interrupting JR's I'm-Going-To-Smackdown speech in his native Oklahoma. Edge had Hawkins & Ryder escort JR out of the building so he could chastise Raw for having no championship belt (as HHH is now over on Smackdown with the WWE title).

Batista got pissed, came out, and destroyed Edge, leaving him prone for Punk to hit the Go To Sleep and pick up the win/belt. Pretty insane.

Of course, this led to high tensions between Edge and Vickie over on Smackdown, leading to Edge calling off their impending wedding.

Jericho and Kofi had their rematch, which Jericho lost because the ref saw him holding Kofi's tights during a pin. Jericho also challenged HBK to a match at the Great American Bash (GAB) PPV which is in a few weeks. Jericho's new thing seems to be Going For The Eye, so hopefully he and HBK can build an interesting match around HBK's fucked-up eyeball

Remember? Jericho smashed Shawn Michaels' face into a TV like four weeks ago?

Rey Mysterio came out to chat it up and was interrupted by Santino, who will most likely now lose to Rey at the GAB.

New WWE Tag champs Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase Jr. soundly defeated local indie workers Darren Wade and Steve Anthony in a 45-minute barn-burner. OK. I'm lying. It was a total squash. Match was heat-less, but Rhodes & DiBiase cut a decent promo post-match that got some boos. I'm not totally tired of this storyline just yet.

Jillian got her ass beat by Mickie James in a non-title match.

Jamie Noble tried to pick up Katie Lea Burchill backstage, which led to a confrontation with Kane after Noble talked all this shit about taking on the biggest guy around. Noble ran out to the ring area for some reason and Kane whooped him good.

JBL challened Punk for his belt TONIGHT and Punk accepted. JBL had his local indie worker security staff surround the ring during the match, but they were taken on by John Cena and . . . CRYME TYME?! Pretty badass to give Cryme Tyme the rub like that. So yeah, a melee insued and Punk beat JBL with a Go To Sleep and dove on everyone that was fighting outside the ring.

A lot of talking on this show, but great storyline advancement and build-up.


Tommy Dreamer challeneged Mark Henry for his belt, but Henry told him that Dreamer could only have a shot if Colin Delany could defeat him. Of course, Delany got murdered.

Teddy Long let us viewers know that the Talent Initiave is back in effect, and because of this we saw the boring debut of Atlas Ortiz in a match with Estrada. Lots of chinlocks in this bad boy, in which Ortiz came out on top.

Matt Hardy, Finlay, & Hornswoggle defeated Miz, Morrison, & Chavo. Fun match with a Face Victory.


Show opened with the VIP Lounge. MVP's guest at this time: HHH! Tease of tension between the two, and then they just shot the shit until Vickie came out and told them to quit laughing at Edge's loss. OK.

Michelle McCool won a Cardboard Star On A Pole match, so now she's facing Natalya for the new Diva belt, which looks like a butterfly or something. Not too bad, though. This whole match took place in the one corner where the star was, which was . . . interesting.

Jesse & Festus (who was dressed up as Uncle Sam) took on Hawkins & Ryder. Jesse & Festus won, but after Festus returned to his catatonic state after the bell was rung, Edge came down to the ring and destroyed Festus with a chair shot while Ryder & Hawkins held down Jesse and made him watch. Pretty sweet.

Jeff Hardy beat John Morrison in a really fun match. Lots of cool counters on Morrison's part set this match apart from every other one of Jeff's matches. Morrison rules.

Umaga vs. Funaki was fast-forwarded through.

Matt Hardy vs. Kennedy vs. Chavo vs. Shelton was a fun match for the US Title. Chavo kept on getting hit with moves on the mat, which was pretty funny. Good, fun match.

Show ended with Edge coming out all pissed at Vickie and calling off the wedding. Good tension between the two earlier in the show when Vickie was sure to remind Edge that she was still his boss. Men in the crowd were booing heavily.

Overall - good week for wrestling fans!
Now playing: The Like Young - Writhe Like You Mean It
via FoxyTunes